I Shall Not Turn Retail Whore.

Dr Seuss and Dee are not good influences on my moral character. Don’t laugh; honestly. I was never so much into shopping until now, when I actually have the cash to shop. He’s giving me cash (I’ve decided what I do isn’t illegal, because I don’t ask for the money. And anyway, do not have sex for the money, as in we didn't actually have sex), and she’s encouraging me to spend it. I love her style and her taste of the gauche-chic Paris Hilton swank kinda aesthetic, and have been spending an inordinate amount of money on retail shit. It’s not an outrageous amount of money, but I’ve always prided myself in hating to spend money on clothing. It’s fine when you really need new things, but I’ve been brought up in that way where books are the only worthy investment. Now I’m also into lingerie and handbags (I wish Martine would take me out to buy me lingerie already!)

I met Dr. Seuss at one of those lovely boutique hotels today, after a complimentary breakfast with the Girlfriend and some tea at the Café. I’m completely fucked up to continually tease the chef about the going on-s in my life. He had asked me where I was going just before I’d left, and I’d let him take a peek into my bondage box (60 m or rope, several rolls of duct tape, some plastic switches, a few gags -little rattan balls wrapped into silk hankies- and two blindfolds). ‘Dee and her boyfriend’, I told him.

When I got to the room, he’d picked me up and started kissing me, and said he’d missed me so much. He’s got a lovely voice. The very eloquent, smooth talking, velvety sort that just sounds a little too slick for comfort, but utterly erotic when you’re blind-folded and bonded. Like some evil villain from a James Bond movie or something. He’d stripped me down to my panties when I said I really needed to go to the bathroom. He let me, and when I opened the door to the bathroom, oh my good lord, who should be sitting on the toilet bowl but Dee. Blindfolded, gagged, and completely naked. I gave out a shout, and that got Dee to start making really loud noises with the gag on, and we didn’t stop until he told the both of us to shut up. He always says ‘will you please be quiet’ in that very severe tone with a completely forced smile that really always frightens me.

Later when Dee was all tied up to the rattan chair, she’d started making such a helluva noise he did it again, and it frightened me, again. At that point I had felt slightly confused. I’d given Dee his number and vice-versa, thinking that he might like two girls. That it might be kinda fun, and something cool for us to do. What I keep forgetting is that he’s probably done all that weird shit in his life before (what else can explain that proficiency with the ropes?) and was really just interested in making out with me, and talking to me, and well… as he says it… loving me. At points, I felt like he’d just agreed to call Dee over because I really like her and wanted to help her out –cash wise-. Like he was doing it for me, when I thought I’d be doing it for him.

I looked at him when he told her to be quiet, and said, ‘don’t be so harsh’ with the biggest, cutest, doe eyes I can possibly muster. And he felt bad immediately and apologized. But we all stopped making a lot of noise from then.

At this point, I’m chucking to myself and thinking about how the situation mildly resembles Bataille’s Story of Eye, where Sir Edward watches from the side as Simone and the protagonist make out. But of course this was different. Sometimes, I was also making out with him, while Dee stood -sat rather- on by, bound and gagged upon the nearby rattan chair. It was really weird, and I felt slightly stressed out for having called Dee along and now that he was keeping her apart by tying her up.

You have no idea how exhausting less than 3 hours of a bondage ménage a trios can be, but it is. Not only you gotta try and include everyone, as with most threesomes, you’ve also got to make up stories on the stop, and figure out how to tie each other up. He was good at it, Dee and I are terrible. We have to practice more for Friday’s shoot. It’s a Christmas set in green and red ropes for Suicidegirls. The only problem is, Dee hasn’t even been accepted on the site; well, we’ll see how that goes.

It was over just when we were all getting very tired, and when he’d come all over my tits. And he’d gotten dressed and asked me to pack up my bondage kit, and I said I’d do it after a little bit of a lie down. The dispensation of the cash is always a weird situation for me, and while I feel bad that someone should have to pay for love (and the fact that I actually do like him as a person doesn’t help the feeling either) I wouldn’t make out with him unless there was money involved. It’s not a friggin’ huge sum for a guy like him –I know it’s what my dad can afford if he only had one kid, instead of the whole litter he’d decided to make-. But nonetheless, it still discomforts me.

It felt so odd that after he’d given me the cash, I just needed to snuggle him for a bit. Kinda my way of saying, hey, I really do like you for who you are, only… well… the incentive is a very much welcomed encouragement. Like a gift, and so thanks for it. I really do try to be nice to him and make it out like I care. Which I do.

I bought a new top today, just because I could. It’s god-damn hot too.

Shopping list:

Black boots

Sexy handbag that can hold a ton of stuff.

Hot pants

White micro-mini skirt

Fucking hell I love Guess handbags. Dee bought damn cool fur-lined denim jacket today. Shit, I’m going to read to get rid of the retail whore syndrome.

xoxox