Oh My God, what ridiculousness. Why am I not in
Let’s see, thirty minutes before check-in at the airport, Chris called me to cancel the date. Why? Because he though I was slotting him into my life just like how I slot everyone else. Sure, if they’re slotting me around the rest of their lives too, like say, a wife and kids, their work or another girlfriend, I’m gonna have to do that too right. Fair’s fair. But he’s only treated me like the be all end all person in the past month or so I couldn’t do otherwise for him.
But as life will have it, the weirdest things will happen at the weirdest times.
Two nights ago, I called up Issac … fellow science-fiction, fantasy fiend, and asked him if he’d like to catch Star Wars with me last night. I had been busy the whole damn day at the TV studio with Tori until about 4 , when Chris called to ask me to book my tickets to
After that argument was done (something along the lines of, ‘put a talented free-spirit into a shitty school system, run by people who were mostly too stupid to make it to NTU and walked over to NIE instead, who know they are in a dead-end job… People who have not been taught all the ways in which they can teach, and the ways in which the most successful Secondary level classes are run; and even if they were, it makes not difference, because they certainly act as if they have not been taught them… And you want to mould Tori into that system and ruin her?’)
It was quite heated. But anyway, after that was done, the first thing that came to my mind was, I’d better stop shitting around and get the flight details and hotel resies recorded down somewhere so that my parents can have a copy and not worry about my where-abouts.
Chris texted me over some stupid shit, and I replied with some stupid shit like, ‘I’m not wearing any panties now, ha, ha, ha.’ And he replied with something just as pointless back, and I didn’t bother to carry on the conversation after that and started on packing.
And when I pack, I pack such that no one will know I will be leaving for a few days. Not because I didn’t want anyone to know, but because I don’t like to carry anything more then what can fit into a regular a4 backpack. But for some reason, the bag seemed pretty tight and stretched, and that pissed me off so I decided to go down to Plaza Sing with Tori to get a new one, before I met Issac for the movie.
Now one would wonder why the fuck did I bring out stuff for three days worth of holiday to the movies when my flight was in the afternoon the next day? The answer’s simple enough, I just really didn’t want to have to leave when my mother was working in the living room with a bag that clearly looks like I was going overseas for a couple of days. I know I have a responsibility to my parents that they know where I am when I am overseas, but I’d simply rather not go through the lectures they have for me each damn time before I leave.
I was planning to stay over at someone’s place I guess, not Isaac’s definitely, because I’d never slept with him before and I know that without a doubt, he’d certainly want to try, and I was definitely not in the mood. It would hardly have done Chris any justice after all the effort he had made to get this thing in Saigon going, and I’m really quite sick of sleeping with people I don’t really feel for in that romantic sort of way. I like being in bed with my friends, certainly. I would want to cuddle all of them to sleep at night, naked, if I could. But the damn problem’s that, if they’re male, they’d all try to get on to full-base, and I really don’t like people fiddling with my pussy. I hate saying no, because sure, once I start playing with myself, I feel like it too, but I know I’d just feel shitty about it all the rest of the time. So I’d say no, but I’d sooner they just not try.
After the movie, I must have gotten an sms from Chris saying something like ‘can’t wait to see you tomorrow’, and I think part of the reason why I didn’t reply was because of the fact that I was carrying a 5 kilo sling sack and had my hands full with trying to maintain the weight comfortably on my hips.
I asked Issac to take me home, which he did. Unfortunately, of all the bloody things that could happen, I found myself locked out of the house. I could have knocked or called my sister to open it up, but he had suggested his place, and I thought, what the heck. We had been talking about SF previously and I thought, what the hell, I’d like to see his collection.
When I’d gotten out of his car, I saw I’d missed a call, but it was so bloody late at that time I didn’t wish to disturb him by calling, and I didn’t see any bloody reason to do so. Besides, I was engrossed with talking to someone else, and you know how it is with things like text messages and emails. You really do want to reply, but something else was tying you up so you go, ah later, later, and before you know it, you’ve forgotten about it.
Then the next morning, the funniest shit happened. I woke up and realized I was locked in. I had been locked in Isaac’s bedroom. He was outside, and I thought he’d locked me in because his ex-girlfriend or grandmother had turned up or something, and it wouldn’t do to have whoever it was to see a girl in an over-sized T-Shirt and a pair of panties walking about the house.
The main thought on my mind was, shit! How the fuck am I supposed to get out of here to make it in time for my flight. Like, for heaven’s sake I’d worry about a missed call.
By the time the people had managed to get us out, I had to be on my way to the airport already. Then I got some weird shit sms from Chris telling me some weird shit like he was canceling the resies in
That freaked me out, and I called him, and he started accusing me of not treating him the way I would like him to treat me, and all sorts of stupid things. And I kept on swearing to God that I’d been such a good, good girl the last week, and that I really did want to make this whole thing work. But he did relent and went ahead and cancelled all his reservations anyway. Which really pissed me off and made me cry. In Isaac’s car. He was there beside me being really nice and offering to talk to Chris for me, because I had indeed slept with him in the same bed, but that was it. And I had been very good at saying no too.
I finally managed to explain everything to him of course, and I was really mad at him for putting me in such a spot. But of course he thought I didn’t care anyway; what really hurt was the fact that here I was, trying to be good for once in my life, and trying to make a fucking relationship work, and he didn’t acknowledge it. In fact, to the contrary, he’d accused me of not treating him right.
I mean, for heaven’s sake, I’ve never been in a relationship where I had been made to have responsibilities. No one cared, previously, who else I’d slept with, or what the hell else I did. I could tell them, and it wouldn’t bother them one bit.
One more blow up between Chris and I, and I swear it will be over. Mostly because it is emotional hell, and I won’t do it to him any more, and I certainly won’t do it to myself. Not that I think I’ve been at fault here, at all, but that’s hardly the matter. The thing is that, if it doesn’t work out now, it’s not going to work out either in the next few months. If he can’t understand me now, he’ll never understand me, ever.
But I don’t think it’ll blow up. I really do think I’ve grown up some.
xoxox
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