Woo Hoo.

Great! Really, just, Great. I’m very happy now, in fact, I am extremely pleased with myself and how things have turned out. I shocked the shit out of Chris when I turned up at his suite yesterday afternoon allll the fucken way in Bangkok, which is not to say very far, but is nonetheless a 2 hour plane ride away and the whole hassle of getting tickets, and shit like that.

He couldn’t stop telling me what a complete nut I was. That of all the nutty things that has happened to him in his life, this was way up there on the list, next to the X-rated Mr. and Mrs. Santa costume his ex-girlfriend decided to show up in at a charity benefit.

Every thing’s worked out. I’ve finally managed to tell Martine to fuck off. This one was weird. I had to make the oh so difficult decision of meeting him on Wednesday afternoon for lunch, or boarding the plane to Bangkok. Also the difference between spending a few mediocre hours with a guy whom I knew no longer loved me or cared very much (despite him saying that it wasn’t true when I accused him of not caring very much for me at all) and spending the next 12 hours in a completely cool city with a guy that was completely distraught because I had been thinking about M when he came down all the fucking way from Washington half a week earlier just to spend time with me.

The thing, or person rather that really did it for me was this cool artist/creative person I met a few days ago. We hit of pretty damn quick, and he had advice for my life that I actually wanted not only to listen, but to use. I nearly never bother to listen to half the advice people give me, because most of them have pretty boring lives; so their lives may be working out fine upon whatever internal belief system they may have, but when listening to it is already boring (can’t you come up with something else then what the advice column in Teenage has said just about several million times over several thousand issues?) executing them would probably be doubly boring, and having them work would be tragedy, to put mildly. Flying to Bangkok and spending the evening having beers on Khao San Road followed by an oil massage in Siam Square and a movie… I made a good choice.

Jake and I were sleeping together and he was horny all night until he told me I could ask him for anything and he would do it (hoping I would ask for something like a triple orgasmic muff job) and all I asked for was a few hours of undisturbed sleep. The next morning when we woke up, he told me I was perfect. That everything about me was absolutely perfect, I was the epitome of physical perfection, and that I was too super cool and would be a dumb-ass for going after anyone that wasn’t crazy about me.

He had the simplest rules, but some of the most sensible relationship advice I had heard in a long time. 1) Don’t bother with anyone that isn’t crazy about you 2) Don’t bother with anyone that doesn’t support the person you are 3) Don’t ever dare even try it with someone that would want to change you and 4) Don’t bother with someone that’s bad in bed.

I thought about it for 5 seconds and decided after that that I would fly to Bangkok to see Chris. All-right, so he is a great deal older, what should that matter? You’re never going to get the world to love you, no matter how hard you try, and even when you manage it, it’s not going to last very long, or return you any love in kind. He’s absolutely great. And I’m finally glad I’ve stopped seeing him as a cash machine or a frequent flyer card, came clean with him on every damn thing, and made the decision to love him, period.

And I realized why I have problems sleeping with him, or for that matter, with any other guy in fact when I’m completely sober until Martine finally told me he couldn’t see me anymore, and I said ‘thank you for telling me so’. Up till then he had a grip on me I couldn’t get loose from. When I slept with someone else, I felt like I was being unfaithful, well, no longer.

Oh I doubt I’d be faithful to Chris, but one thing’s for sure, after this whole fiasco, I think I’m going to do a lot less sleeping around. Just because… what the hell for? Sure, all the people I’ve slept with are nice, and I don’t regret knowing or spending time with anyone of them, but my time these days has started becoming worth a great deal more, so why waste it with people that won’t enrich your life. I’ve already gotten all the enriching I need from all that sleeping around previously, and it was all cool, but when it’s time to move on to better ways to spend your time with, you better move on.

xoxox