Martine, Martine, @#$%

I bumped into Martine at the bookstore today. Believe it or not. He's sexier then ever, but mostly because i haven't seen him for awhile, he's been working out, and was walking around with his shirt unbuttoned just enough to show all of his collarbones. Which is kinda sexy. Kinda is kinda an understatement though.

Oddly enough I was wearing the royal colour of his nation of birth. When I bumped into him, he was babbling in some foreign language over his cell that I certainly didn't understand, which almost certainly made him even sexier. It's not French, but you know, much of the lingua franca of the EU kinda sounds like French to me anyway; so... sexy enough.

When he said good bye, he opened his arms like so wide to give me a big, tight hug that made me feel like he really wanted to give me a big tight hug. And it was a nice long one too. I suppose he still kinda likes me, and I certainly still like him... but hey. We live.

Oh it's silly isn't it, when one hug should mean so, so, much. I met him 4 hours ago, but I must have thought about it at least once every quater of an hour, and read more into it then I should have. But what's a love lorn girl to do?

I miss being in love. Being really, really in love. Everything these days is so rewarding (career/art-ish wise), yet so bland at the same time. Am I over him? Certainly not. I may be over him as a person, but I'm definitely not over the way I felt for him. Because it felt so good. :(

I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but yes it is true that in any relationship the person that likes the other person less is in the position of power. But that doesn't mean I've lost anything by being in love with M... because the person that's not in the position of power is simply more in love. And while love is intangible and never something that can be defined, it is still there and undeniable. And that feeling is worth all my power and a huge chunck of my dignity. Although it goes without saying that I wouldn't ever love a guy that would make me feel undignified in anyway. (But sadly according to the rest of the world, desperate love is always so undignified.)

At least I have a decent body.. and here's the proof. Bitch *grin*



xoxox