Signs and Omens.

Google ads does not like my site. Phillip alerted me to this rant on Mango Sauce about why Google is hypocritical and evil and we should all beware of its monopoly on our asses. It doesn't make sense to me, but never mind, someone will come up with something better... eventually. In the meantime I will just have to figure out alternative ways of making a few bucks while living a life of utter degeneracy. Just remind yourself every morning that the job you never think you'd lower yourself to is the job someone else hopes and prays for.

To be honest I'm starting to feel a sense of panic welling up in me. I know I have to leave Singapore soon before I suffocate and die of utter boredom. Certain bits and pieces from various dimensions in my life have sort-of come together to alert me to an option out of this hole, and yes I know I could be doing the fail-able human thing and seeing signs and omens where there are none; But I am convinced that this spring, I should purchase a one-way ticket to the Netherlands and attempt to find work there.

The string of logic is as follows (although it is true that my logic can be quite suspect at times). 1. I don't want to stay in Singapore anymore. 2. I love Europe. 3. Dutch people are cool. 4. There is a damn good design and art scene there. 5. I have a few friends that may be able to help get my feet wet. 6. I would sooner do a badly paid design job in Holland then in Singapore.

To be honest I'm just scared as shit about fucking things up. About being stuck here. The only way to make sure I do not stay stuck here to to get out of here. If you let fear overwhelm you, then you won't get anywhere. Living is hazardous, but you can't hide under a rock now, can you?

So back to these 'Signs and Omens' that I believe are cosmic directions that are pointing me in this direction... I don't imagine they are fool proof and totally clear, but just like tossing 12 heads in a row, a few things have happened recently to convince me I should do this. It was kind of the same the other times when I had to make such big decisions.

Joris is Dutch, if you haven't guessed already, so this is helpful. But he's got his own life there I would prefer not to interfere with. That said, he can still help me out a little by introducing me to some people in my specialization (which is? -_-") That's one thing. There's also Ruiter from Budapest days who I attended a few classes with and probably has a good network of random art/design types I could get to know. But even more importantly, while I was talking to AJ during this mad party with the Japanese girls and the trees, he told me he had a flat in The Hague I could go and live in till June while he was working here in Singapore. He said I could get the keys from him before I left and hang there while trying to find a job. Funnily enough, Ruiter lives in The Hague.

Anyway, we'll see how things roll. But I'm almost certain that there's not very much point in me staying here any longer. As soon as the weather lets up in late February, I'm gone. Now... I just need to find some way to make a little bit of cash before I go. Hmm.. *suppress anxiety attack*