***
It's $50 a kiss

This totally cracked my girlfriend up.
You know how I have this thing for foreign men? Well, yeah, duh, the title says it quite blatantly. But I don't _only_ like white guys. I think hispanics are actually kinda cute too. But like any other race, they have their fair share of turn offs.

So I was in my school uniform on the MRT (train) back home after a horrid day at the college -think 8 hours after a night of too much alcohol, too many drugs, and too many multi-vitamins from GNC; throw in a confrontation with some guy who threatened to sue me for libel- All in all, I was in a pretty bad mood. And I did what anyone in my place would do, I fell asleep on the mrt.

I opened my eyes a couple of times during the trip, and glacned at this weird looking freak sitting directly across me. he smiled at me, and I looked away. It happened a couple of times before I finally did smile at him; just before my stop. For some reason, I knew he was hitting on me. So I sat in my seat until the last possible moment and scramed out of the train just before the doors closed. Guess What??! He rushed out ofter me, nearly getting hit by the glass screen.

So I'm going up the escalator, and he's like, "Just back fom school?" I nod vaguely. "What school?" I point to my tie (Doens't he get the hint?) "What's your good name." Told him it was Alice. Some more pointless conversation. By this time we were well out of the mrt station, and I was starting to get rather irritatied.

"Where do you stay?" I snapped.
"Sengkang."
"Then why are you here?" -his stop was not for another 3 stops after mine-
"Because I want to get to know you."
Hah. But I don't, you fat little bag.
"I have to tell you, you are the hottest, most beautiful woman I've ever seen."
"I get that alot." (Especially if he* wants my pants off.)
But it's a compliment, and I try being a little more civil towards him. He didn't look harmful.
Him, " I've just arrived in Singapore from New York, so I really want to get to know more people...blablabla"
Me, "Originally from?"
Him, "Sao Paulo, that's in Brazil."
"I know where Sao Paulo is."
"Can we sit around and talk for like say, 5 minutes?"
"No. I'm high on crack and I need to go home."
"Not even for 5, 10 minutes? How 'bout a drink at the coffee shop?"
"You can walk me to the condominium, that would be your 5 minutes."
Him, "I have a request..." Pause. "I'd like to kiss you."

"What!?"

"Please, just one little kiss."
"Fuck off."

I walk on really briskly -so I'm really fit right, and he's this fat wheezing windbag trying to catch up with me, nearly funny, if I wasn't so damn irritated by then- well, I know I'm evil; but I thought, no harm trying to amuse myself.-

So we walk along and he's asking me stuff about myself- and telling about what he does -very boring-
"What else do you do besides going to school?"
"I'm model for erotic lingerie."

Then he goes back into asking me for a kiss. This time, it gets funnier.
"Oh, just one kiss. We don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable with."
"I don't feel comfortable with you. How's that?"
"Then what can I do?"
"You could go for plastic surgery, loose 10 kilos, or pay me fifty bucks for a kiss. And a kiss is a kiss. Nothing else."
"I'll give you cash, that's no problem. Oh please understand Alice. I'm not just any other guy, I'll treat you really nicely, I'm seriously looking for a long term relationship. I'm not going to dump you blabla..."
"Well, I'm a whore, I hate long term relationships. And YOU don't turn me on at all."

Anyway, by this time it's getting really annoying and I'm reaching the gate of my condominium.

"Well, I'm just about home. Bye!"
"You can't do this to me. I'll pay you, and we don't even have to have sex, oh you've got to leave me your number...blabla..."
"Oh? How much can you pay me? I'll only do you in a nice hotel room too."
-I have never prostituted myself, but I've thought about it before, and I've thought about how much I should cost; of which is relative to how undesirable the male is-
"No hotel rooms. Can we go up to your place?"
"Fuck Off!"
"You see, the thing is that I'm not making all that much money, and I'd rather give it to you..."
"Forget it. I don't want your lousy money. There's no way you can afford me."

Then i go up to security and tell them to make sure he doesnt follow me into the estate.

Jesus Christ.
Strange, but totally amusing.

XOXO