At this moment, Richard’s bleaching the floors of the apartment after it was agreed by our feet that indoors didn’t feel all that much different from outdoors and that is was really that filthy. I should be helping him I suppose, but I spent the afternoon shopping for books and art supplies with my parents instead. I can scarcely believe it, but both daddy and him can have a pretty good conversation… then again, I’ve never actually introduced any of the other guys I’ve dated to my parents. With the exception of Ethan, who can also maintain a conversation with my parents, but without very many interesting things to say. He’s a smart boy, and very decent, but there’s just something about him that doesn’t quite cut it for me, after you discount the mouth breathing, which is one of my pet peeves.
Richard and I get along very well, as you probably noticed since I haven’t been blogging all that much lately; the time has been spent shooting shit with him and modeling characters for a weird comic about two gay wanna-be bohemies after the people that I knew, among other things.
Two nights ago, we went to get our costumes for the rubber ball made. I discovered two shops in Geylang where you can buy all the leather and metal you want to make any sort of pervert outfit your imagination can cook up, and mine can cook up loads and loads. I’m going as this Victorian-esque girlie in a tiny leather dress with a large gaping hole where my butt’s at, laced up in satin with huge puffed velvet sleeves.
That night I invited Lynn and her girlfriend and one of Richard’s friends over for drinks and things, and a photo-shoot with his cool medium format (I didn’t know Polaroid could be this much fun). Lynn’s one of those girls that really doesn’t give a shit, and I’m very glad to have her friendship. It’s nearly impossible to find girls like that, everyone somehow or other does give a shit, and that sucks. But she doesn’t, and she does what she wants, is a complete nutcase in the best combinations possible, smart, fun and very engaging just by being a completely wacky character alone.
She’s really quite different from most other girls I know, and she doesn’t need alcohol to get into that uninhibited state of mind. And she never seems to get jealous or protective of the attention she’s getting; she doesn’t give a shit, and it works bloody well for her. Funny thing is, the less you care, the more you’ll get out of anything, and life in general. Richard seems to find it quite amusing that she’d actually come round some nights ago and took all these picture of us making love on the couch until the battery for the camera ran out. I didn’t think much of it, but then again, anything can happen and when you think that way, they usually do (so you better think positive).
Lynn’s quite an eccentric character, and she really seems to like both Richard and I a great deal, and he likes her and think she’s cool… and we’ve come up with this weird experiment where she’d live with us for a week and just take photographs of us doing stuff. Which is normally quite amusing since we do everything naked (it’s incredible, but I can’t remember the last time I went on so long without proper air-conditioning). The whole situation is a throwback and a living out of one particular fantasy I had as a child (I’m thinking around 10 years old) where I’d have sex with my boyfriend when I wanted and suck his dick when I desired and sit on his face while watching the television. Only now that I’m older, I’ve decided I didn’t like television all that much anymore.
Funny thing is, I don’t think I’d have a problem with R sleeping with Lynn (although she would have a problem with that because she’s a sweet, decent girlfriend and her little Alice is for one and one only at the moment :) ) We’ve discussed this countless of times, and I’ve settled on the fact that he’s completely in love with me and it’ll be absolutely cruel for me to cheat on him. But then of course if I did really want to sleep with someone else eventually, I’d tell him, like I’ve always told most of the other people I’ve dated. I just can’t be bothered to lie. It’s so emotionally tedious, and it defeats the concept of a relationship because the person wouldn’t know you as you really are. All that sense of mystery thing is bullshit, really. Mystery won’t do anyone any fucking good, although sometimes lies have to be told to save the other person’s feelings. But in that case, you either should have gone for someone with a stronger emotional/ psychological disposition or not have done it in the first place.
Some really odd thing happened to the both of us at dinner sometime back. We had gone out with a few of our friends and there was this boy I used to hang out with occasionally. There was nothing really between us. I was fond of him I guess, and he’s a really decent person the majority of the time, until it comes to women and territory. I mean women AND territory, not just one separate of the other but both together, simultaneously, being something that just bugs him.
Anyway, we were having this weird conversation about how there are all these well-dressed old men down at Borders picking up bookish girls when he said something that implied R used to do that. Which I thought was rather unnecessary, although it didn’t matter because I didn’t believe a word of what he said. And there was no way in hell Richard would have bothered to keep the fact from me, or deny it, because he’s told me worse things he’s done and he’s got no problem telling me really melodramatic stories about really pathetic times in his life, and I don’t have a problem with any of that. I mean, who hasn’t fucked a hooker before, even I’ve done that, and I’ve done it for money too (although it was a lot more discerning and ‘soft’ then the way the girls down at Orchard Towers do it) anyway, so fucking what.
Then later on, he tried to hit at me with how a few months ago he’d met me and Ethan at the café. Basically implying that I was one of those free ranging kinda girls and definitely not good for a long term relationship. And I know where he’s coming from, because I never gave any one the impression I could be good if I wanted to. No one knows it I suppose, and I don’t know it for sure myself, but it’s perfectly possible because for the last few months I’ve only ever ‘free-ranged’ because a) I wasn’t satisfied with the person –and it’s a glaring difference between what I had with them and what I have with R, because I haven’t even had one single maybe in the future it will be like this oh-so-peachy-pretty and b) I was doing it just so I could have fun. Which is fine when there’s nothing else that’s more fulfilling relationship-wise. Well, we’ll see where it goes.
I had been filling out this comment card at a café and put in the address for R’s place. He noticed and actually felt quietly happy about it, and that made me feel really nice because no one else has ever been really glad to have me stay over. You know la, expats in Singapore all want to screw around, don’t want their girlfriend living with them. It’s kinda like, if that’s what the guys I used to date wanted, then that was fine with me. They didn’t particularly want me, and I didn’t particularly want them either, so that was that.
But more then anything, I think it was because I was simply just not completely comfortable with them. There was always something that made it impossible for me to want to move in or for them to decide to let me do so. So maybe when he says ‘no’ to you moving it, there may be a good reason for it, and it’d do you well to take note.
Anyway, Sundays are Durian days, and I’m off to stuff my face with some now. They’re really great with plain yoghurt actually.
xoxox
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