City of Angels

Oh my god I'm so horny I could throw myself off the balcony into the Chao Phraya river, but I'll just jerk off to some lesbian porn instead. Bangkok is a wild city, and every girl is a kind of gay. Kind of. If you pay, they will alter their sexual orientation just for you. Or... you could just go for the older women, they hate most men. Andrew is an exception for them of course. Anyway, It was a great idea to come out here with him; one of the best holidays I've had with a guy. It's definitely different. To all the girls that were invited but didn't come. you missed out.

It was massively complicated and we had to change about 3 flights, but eventually we made it in time to have a glass of champagne at Terminal 2 before taking off. Not long after checking into the hotel, his on and off romantic interest Bunny turned up. She was cute, but I already knew that from the Facebook photos of her. She also turned out to be really sweet, fun, and surprisingly tolerant. Even when I was hitting on her hard. I don't remember any of it of course.

All I remember was having that one last shot of vodka at the ice-bar above Titanium bar and then waking up the next morning with Andrew beside me and Bunny on his other side. Later as we made it to Wat Bang Phra, everyone filled me on the details. So what had happened was that I had that last fatal shot and then had a second wave for a moment before practically passing out on the dace floor. Bunny and Andrew had to drag my sorry ass back to the Penn. Bunny was sitting in the back, and I was lying on her lap, and Andrew was in the front seat... and at at some point I started stroking her thighs, and she exclaimed, "Isabella! What are you doing!" Unfortunately I have no recollection of it. I also apparently showed my left boob to this pair of identical twins who were staying with the Fixer. (He offered me an 'identical twin sandwich' the night before we were supposed to fly off). I didn't get to speak to them much, but they seemed cool, and I'll probably be visiting them in Bologna. Along with the Fix of course.

On the way to Wat Bang Phra, everyone else filled me on the details I'd forgotten, and Andrew told me he didn't think I was a 'really lesbian' According to him, I just like the physical contact, and if my first choice was not up for grabs, I'd go for the next available person. Something like that. It's not entirely true though. I never replace people. If I have sex with someone, it's because I want to have sex with them. Maybe I used to do it when I was younger, but I don't do it anymore. I don't think it's fair. You shouldn't ever have sex with someone as a replacement. That's lame, and it doesn't do anyone any good. Anyway.... I he was right. I do love the physical contact, and I really dig the vibe between two people that are sexually attracted to each other. It's a wonderful thing. I love feeling it, and I'm sure they do too.

And I wasn't going to hit on Andrew because I knew their history, and it wouldn't have been nice, for me to have done so. Not all girls are as chilled out about this kinda thing like I am. Plus the thing that matters for me most is that everyone feels good about the situation. I know I went a bit too far, but I'm always gentle about these things, and I don't believe in compelling anyone to sleep with me, so it couldn't have been that bad. Plus, it was definitely preferable to the both of us hitting on him simultaneously. And I would never, ever want to make another girl feel jealous because of me. It's kinda ridiculous, because I appreciate it when guys choose me over another chick, but at the same time, I feel really bad for the girl. Because.. you know, he's a good catch, and now I've got him, and I'm happy about it, but some nice girl out there is sad about it and... you know, I won't mind sharing, as long as they share the same sentiment. Also, I've found that this works better with people. Sure there are some really lovely, non-cheating guys out there, but most of them are not programmed for monogamy  (and not like I am myself) and if you accept them for what they are, I realize they just come to you. A good friend is a lot harder to find then a lover.

We got the tattoos after much delay (over sleeping, me not being able to get my hands of Bunny, not that she did much to discourage it either). I promise really awesome photos. The tattooing wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. One day when I'm old and wrinkled, I'll have a great story for the grand-kids. Once upon a time, I went on a trip to Bangkok with this absolutely, utterly, charming man...

Oh I don't know. He's really lovely. I know the reason why he took me on this trip, but I don't really know the real reason, you know? At the end of the day, I think it all worked out for the best. I wasn't ready to say goodbye on Wednesday... and look at what's happened now! I've gotten a tattoo on his suggestion and it's the same one he's got! But I definitely won't be regretting it.

I know my life will carry on, and I'm not the least hung up on this affair, there will be other men, and a lot more awesome times in Europe(...there are all these lovely people I have to fuck!)but... he's special. He will always be. I wouldn't have gotten the tattoo otherwise. I've never known anyone with the kind of passion he has about love and life. He believes in things, you know? And I think, somehow, he's made me believe in those things too. I don't agree with his version of true love, and I think the world will always be fundamentally shit from a relative point of view, and tbh I don't really know what he thinks about these topics either, but I will ask him when he is revived.

Enough bullshit. It's too early in the day. I haven't slept. Fucking Kylie M. Woo hoo. Plus I had enough energy to give 3 bar girls a full body massage, but they didn't return with us. Damnit.