No Exit

This was Monday: No Exit

I don't know where to start really. I had a really um... enriching... weekend. Andrew had been convinced it had been throughly horrible for awhile back there... Sure, there were moments of ludicrous insanity and I do feel sick now after all the excesses, but it was definitely a throughly memorable "holiday". An off the rails adventure would be a more apt description though.

Saturday and Sunday were pretty cool, and it was awesome to be in the depravity that is Bangkok, but Monday really hit the spot.

At about 8 in the morning, while I was hitting on him again, despite the fact that I'd told myself never to do it again (and of course you always do), something happened and the tables turned. All of a sudden, it was as if a switch had flipped and he became determined that we should have sex and get it over and done with. I was up for it of course, but tbh it was not the way I planned for it to be. It's always a bad idea to try and compel someone into having sex with you especially if they say no and give very good reasons for why they don't want to/ can't do it.

Anyway, it had its moments, and I'm glad it happened because in a fucked up way, it's cleared some things up in my head. Things I already knew before (because he had told me) but it was one thing to know, and another to understand.

We had a chat about it later, and he mentioned that he was a little surprised at the way I reacted when he suddenly came onto me. I think I was a bit frightened when it happened actually, because I hadn't plan for it to, and definitely not in the way he went about it. He always warned me though, and I knew shouldn't have pushed the situation, but I did.

After that, Gia, a romantic interest of his from once upon a time, a documentary producer that had worked all over the world who was loud, forceful and a tad obnoxious turned up to help us film. He was slightly wary of the idea of leaving her alone with me, so he called the Fixer to come over as he had to go and deal with some other things.

I had no idea why he was worried about leaving Gia alone with me, but I found out soon later that once we started going down the rabbit hole, she wasn't all that easy to deal with. Mostly because she didn't stop talking, and there was no way to get her to do so. Not like it was a horrible thing, but after 6 hours of non-stop chatter, I was just about going crazy.

So it was just Gia, The Fixer and myself going down the hole in the hotel room, making a nuclear bomb size dent in the mini-bar and hearing Gia talk. At about 7 p.m. I realized we (Andrew and I) were pretty much fucked and there was no way we could get to the airport in time. I started panicking but Gia fixed it by postponing the flight (I didn't have a laptop, and had no flight details, and she had to get the concierge to do it).

I started getting anxious over Andrew, although I knew it was ridiculous, and just sat there at the end of the hole feeling unnecessarily paranoid and thinking about all the possible situations that could have happened to delay his return. And as usual, things got from bad to worse, and his phone died on him so he became completely un-contactable.

Then... it started poring. It was one of those electric, torrential, storms.

Eventually he turned up. He made it back to the hotel just before the storm started. I felt really bad for him.There was no way we were going to make the next plane, so we had to stay another night.

Both Gia and him got into an argument where I think she felt under-appreciated for her help in changing the tickets because he wanted to buy seats on a different airline to get back out that night itself, instead of the next morning. It was the first time I'd actually seen him seriously pissed off. But it had been a really stressful day and he didn't need any more shit flung at him. Anyway things calmed down shortly. But he kept on telling me how fucked up and depressing everything had become, and how horrible it all was.

At some point in the day, he'd even sent me a message that said  "I don't  know what it is about this city, but it always spits me out broken and sad at the end of a visit. I never leave feeling better than when I arrived."

Things just got more fucked, and by the end of the night, it was like something out of a bad movie. There were empty bottles of alcohol everywhere, broken glass on the balcony, spilled beer on the carpet, used tissues (nothing to do with sex or masturbation) strewn all over the place.

And at one point, something really strange happened.

Gia was talking non-stop at one end of the room, and Andrew was lying on the bed on the other end. Then he took out his iPhone and started playing "Humans" by the Killers on it. And he started dancing. Horizontally. On the bed. I'd seen him do it the night before and thought it was kind of weird and hilarious, but it was in a more private setting with just me and him so I suppose I found it more funny than weird. But this time, there were other people in the room. And Gia had this look of shock and reprehension on her face and the Fixer also had a "what the fuck" look about him, and I wasn't ready for it so it also took me by surprise.

At some point I contemplated joining him and jumping about on the bed, but 2 things prevented me from doing so. 1. We hadn't talked about the morning in any significant way yet, so there was this slightly uncomfortable thing, on my part, that was hovering between us. It wasn't a big thing and once we talked about it (after the other two went away) everything got back to usual. 2. The other two made me feel slightly uncomfortable, which I guess is lame because I'm always like, who gives a fuck right? Apparently I do more than he does.

Or, perhaps we all just have a different sense of humour from each other. Although I don't think that's totally true because I still can't stop laughing out loud thinking about the horizontal dancing on one end and the machine gun going off on the other.

I swear to god, that was the climax of the weekend. You can not begin to imagine how fucked up everything look. If you factor in the storm, it was epic.

Since the incident on Saturday where I basically passed out on the dance floor, I was kind of liking the insanity of the whole trip. And anyway, it was what I had expected. The moment he mentioned Bangkok, I knew it wasn't going to be a chilled out holiday. Anyway, you know how it goes, sometimes things go so bad they actually turn good. And if it's going to be a tragedy, might as well accept it and hang on for the ride and come out learning a little more about yourself and the people around you.

We eventually got back to Singers. I had a massive amount of alcohol on the way back to dampen the pain of leaving it all behind. I know it's ridiculous because I will definitely be back, and I've always wanted to leave and go live in Europe. But still, it's difficult to close a chapter in your life and move on not knowing what lies ahead.

Later that night I went over to his place to give him his birthday present and I started crying quite badly. I don't know what it is about me lately, but I've started becoming a lot more emotional than I was before. Maybe I always was, I just give in to it easily now (but I don't ever like to make a big deal out of it).

At the airport there was no time to get one last drink so we took photographs in the I-D booth instead, which was a funny way to say goodbye. And then I headed off for the worst plane ride ever. Because being thrown in a tin can hurtling at 500 mph through the troposphere after a totally nutcase weekend that jostled you harshly emotionally and physically isn't the best thing to do to your body. Not fun. And now my f-king flight has been delayed another 45 minutes. After being delayed 5 fucking hours.