Please Shut Up, Sexy.

I keep saying one night stands are not really my thing, but if you do them right, they can be seriously amusing. As in, weird, fucked up, hilarious and hopefully a little freaky for the guy. I mean, you know you're probably not going to see each other again, so might as well do/say/feel whatever the hell you like. And I usually do. One of the fucking crazy things I'd do is to pretend I'm totally in love with the guy. I don't really hold that act too long though because it just gets freaky, but it's still funny.

So, couple of days ago, I picked up this Norwegian guy at Zouk. Kinda hot, your typical athletic Viking dude, gorgeous body, chiseled face, easy going vibe. He comes home with me, and we're not really drunk so we don't get right at it. I make him a drink and we're sitting around talking and drinking on the couch. He's taking a look at Phil's books, the one on the shelf right behind with books on Politics and Philosophy. He then starts talking about how shit the world is, and how nobody ever does anything. I don't know what I said, exactly, but at some point he starts accusing me of being apathetic.

People always misunderstand me on this point. When I say I'm apathetic about this whole business of saving the world, I don't mean I don't care or I don't try and do my part. I'm apathetic about the current system in place, and I think it's a load of bullshit, and that every time Bono steps on his private jet to a save the world conference, he is contributing to the drowning of the people in Bangladesh. But then, so am I every summer when I hop on that Emirates flight to Europe.

But he's kinda drunk, and I must say it was my fault because I always make the drink stronger for my guests, especially if there is a possibility of awesome sex. So he doesn't get anything I'm saying, and he's getting more and more pissed, and pissed off. And it's making me annoyed, because I didn't bring him back to have him rant at me.

"How old are you?" I ask, quite out of the blue.
"20? I'm turning 21 in a few weeks."
"Oh. Where do you live?"
"With my parents down on Harbour Front."
"Oh." (thinking, that explains a few things........)

He could tell I was starting to get severely annoyed, so he stops talking about what an evil person I am and comes over to my couch and starts trying to make out with me.

He was hot. If he'd shut up a little bit earlier I wouldn't have been blissfully right into it, but he had to go and say all those horrible things without understanding that I was actually on his side, and worse of all, not listen to me try and explain myself.

So I'm reclining on the couch, all pissed off, and he's all over me trying to get me to loosen up.

"Why so cold all of a sudden?" He asked.
"Because you just massively upset me?" I said.
"Oh come on." He said. He kissed me on my forehead and grabbed my boobs.
I rolled my eyes and went "Ugh
"C'mon, I'm sorry." He said, still grabbing my boobs. 
"Oh... Maybe I'm not that kinda girl you know." I said.
"You're not a virgin are you?" He asked.
"Fuck no. Oh, I don't know."

He carries on feeling me up. I thought to myself, if I continue staying annoyed with him, then I'm going to kick him out soon, and that would be a waste because he was really pretty.

So I get up and tell him to follow me into my room. He sits on the bed, and I proceed to shut the door tight. Then I climb on top of him and start pulling his clothes off, and he's looking at me like, "what the fuck just happened."

I take off all my clothes and find the necessary protection (yes, this is a public sex ed announcement little children....) and last, but not least, pull out my bag of toys.

Now, I have this bullet vibrator that I almost never use. But I  was still slightly pissed off, and I was in the mood for freaky shit. It wasn't going to be really freaky, but if he'd never done it before, then it would have an element of that, I imagined.

"Do you like things up your arse?" I ask. "I personally don't, but if you do..." I turned the thing on and gestured at him with it.

"Don't worry, the thing is practically a virgin, I got it as a gift and only used it once on myself."

"Whoa! No. I'm not gay. No no." He said.

"C'mon. It's not like I was suggesting you let me invade Poland." I said, tossing it aside and jumping right on him and kissing him, to prevent a verbal retaliation. I had really had enough of that.

He was quite annoying, but he knew what to do with his body so, I would say I came up on the whole deal. He probably did too. The vibe would have been so much more awesome if he'd just kept his mouth shut. But then, I don't know, maybe the conflict did make things steamier after. Maybe it would have been anyway. Whatever...I gave him my number before we started having that stupid argument, but seriously.. fuck it.

Nipple Garden.

One night stands are a slightly different kind of sex. They're more like short trips really, because the novelty of sleeping with someone new you know you will probably never see again changes the whole experience. I personally don't make this activity a habit, but sometimes I do end up in a situation where I think "What the heck. He's cute and cool, why not."

So...I met this guy from the Beautiful People dating site some time back while browsing through the list of available men in Stockholm; Coincidentally he was passing through Singapore while traveling around Asia, and as we had shared literary taste (There is a type of fiction out there that is appreciated specifically by a certain breed of nerd) and we both understood the pleasures of really long runs in cool weather, I thought, why not yeah.

I'm always up for meeting someone new, and he seemed like a pretty good time. So we met up, he bought me dinner, we hobo-ed on the Clarke Quay bridge and then attempted to look for another place to go drinking that was not Sluttica. Unfortunately on this particular day, such a place did not exist.

We ended up in his hotel room instead, and you know, once that happens at 4 in the morning, all involved parties know that some getting it on is inevitable. We had more whiskey, and he tried hitting on me a little bit. But I said I really didn't feel like it because I was in love with someone else...because I didn't do this one night thing...

Well no I did, because obviously it looks like I might be going to do it, but I don't usually... I mean what's in it for me... I don't just want a shag... no, not really...oh... on dear me...yeah touch me there that feels rather nice... are you sure you want to do this?...

No we shouldn't... well alright I think we both would like to, why don't we have another drink... we're silly creatures aren't we, the alcohol is really not necessary, if it wasn't just one night and if I wasn't in love with someone else this would not be a problem at all....Well, oh, fuck it.

He started removing my clothes, but didn't manage to get my bra off. (It was one of the few times I had decided to wear a bra). I rolled over to the edge of the bed and hugged my chest.

"No, no... I really have to tell you something first." I said. "What is it?"He asked, slightly bewildered at this shyness that had come out of nowhere. (I do play shy in bed sometimes, because I think it's cute. It's cute for me anyway, and I like being cute.) "Um... sigh.. I have really big areoles. Like, pretty big and... you know."

He shuffled towards me and touched me lightly on the shoulder. "Hey... it's okay. You know... for a guy I have pretty big areoles too." "Yeah?" I asked. "Yeah really." He said, starting to remove his shirt. They were not huge, but they were indeed pretty big for a man. And a really dark brown too. Not ugly or anything, just obviously different from what most women would be normally used to on a man. Actually, I really liked them. I'm getting turned on thinking about those nipples right now. Anyway.

"Oh my god!" I exclaimed. "Haha yeah they are pretty big." I giggled and removed my bra. "Damn." He exclaimed "Shit I knew you were kidding me right after I said it."

"Haha... shit I'm sorry. But that was really funny." I laughed. "I have really normal breasts. My sister has big nipples though..."

He laughed and pinned me on the bed. "Damnnn....."

"Haha! Hey it's cool though... it definitely was a 'Moment'. I really don't know where that came from :-P Weird as. "