'
Sleeping around because I was horny was never really my thing. I’ve always called up the same person when I really needed a lay anyway, the whole picking someone up at a party just for sex just felt incredibly lame to me. The thing that turned me on about people weren’t after all the fact that they were particularly good-looking or rich or influential or whatever. Everyone I’ve chosen to sleep with (with one or two exceptions back when I was still silly and marginally more insecure) have always been people I thought had something about them I’d like to find out. And that was why I slept with them. I’m not saying that I really understand where I stand on this sleeping around issue at the moment. I don’t care much for monogamy, and I certainly don’t think about being monogamous. That’s not to say I can’t ever be, but I certainly do not believe in thinking about it and trying too hard.
I’ve been insatiable lately. It is kinda crazy, but I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed sex with’ anyone as much as I do now with him. You’d think I’d start to reach a point where I’d go, ‘right, now that’s too much, I’m bored.’ The thing is, not only am I not bored, I’m wanting to get to him all the time. It’s crazy, but there are all these moments throughout the day where I watch him doing certain things and think, my god he’s sexy, I wanna jump him right fucking now.
It’s very funny actually when he tells me that having me live with him is completely unpredictable because weird shit’s always happening. And it never really has occurred to me that the way we’re behaving isn’t how people normally behave. I’ve never done most of it before, and I’ve certainly 'never gotten drunk on half a bottle of Vodka while head-banging to Marilyn Manson on DVD (dressed up as a dystopian pervert priest) while tying someone up in meters upon meters of rope. But it’s just never occurred to me that it’s really not something people do not normally do. I just can’t understand it, I mean, why not?
But that’s just the way I am I guess. I believe in Heaven (Certainly a great deal more inspiring then a lot of other things that are more real, like SUntec City for instance) and a whole lot of other stuff, just because, why not. There’s as many reasons as to why it can exist as to why it might not. And just because something doesn’t exist tangibly doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Some children believe in fairies, and that we know they don’t really exist (because we’ve never seen actually seen one) doesn’t make them less real to the child.
I’m dead tired. We slept well past midnight last night, at 4 after much fucking and listening to him tell me stories that either made me laugh with incredulity or my heart bleed. Then I had to wake up terribly late for my first tutorial, but it was alright since I could sketch faster (and better) then the other people in the class. It was frustrating though, to see the other students trying too hard. I like art to be pure and instinctive, and looking at art that’s meant to show off something, or to tell a story that’s so contrived because the artist thinks it’s what people would want to see just makes me cringe. I’ve met people who couldn’t draw for nuts, and had no colour sense whatsoever that could produce pieces that were far more engaging then people who’d been in LaSalle for years. All because they were simply more instinctive.
I’m going to try and get in some shut eye now. Lynn might be coming over later for a bottle of wine and some photo-taking with a rather dangerous looking medium format camera.
***
Here's something I wrote completely out of my gut.
Nontheless it's not what's best,
The silent, sullen lemon-aid,
Her slippy, slutty pussy's laid,
Her tits are treats that must be paid.
For now and then, until the end,
They cost, the frost to bear away,
So she could spread, her mind be read,
Oh it's not with ease that she be pleased.
xoxox
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