Monday, April 12, 2004

Why White Expats?

You know how there are all these books out there on Sarong Party Girls, and the barrage of articles in the local paper and letters that respond to them, but none of them are ever really written by someone who freely admits that she’s a, well, SPG.

They’re usually written by either single local men who feel as if the angmos were depriving them of their share of women, or by Caucasians who think these silly Asian girls are being very silly indeed in their worship of the penises of the west (Neil Humphreys has a rather amusing article on SPGs –albeit inaccurate- in his mildly amusing second book on the island-nation) or well, by women who date Caucasians and try desperately to defend themselves by saying that they’d date a local boy anytime if he met their criteria of being extremely eloquent, absolutely interesting, and unrestraint-ly generous (yeah, sure *rolls eyes*)

I’m not saying that what these people write are entirely untrue, because like any other demographic, girls that date white men come in a (I’d like to believe) substantially diversified range of characters and temperaments. But the, well, despite all the insight they give into this Asian trend –yes, a trend. It’s apparently becoming disturbingly* apparent in KL, (to quote one of those local guys who think they don’t get any* because all the women are getting laid by white men)- they don’t exactly tell you anything about the SPG. As an individual.

All right. The term Sarong Party Girl is really supposed to be derogatory. According to the current encyclopedia of all things SPG (Jim Aitchison’s Sarong Party Girl), she’s really supposed to be a gold-digger, a slut (and I’m not talking about Marty Beckerman’s Sexually Liberated Urban Teens, even though I have to acknowledge that some party girls fall into that category –lol-) and well, as far as I know, basically that.

I know it all sounds rather insulting, but well, here’s a little not-so-secret. All women like money and all women like sex. And I know –oh from talking to a few local girls, not necessarily ones that have ever dated Caucasians- that all of them secretly want to snag one. And the reasons are absolutely so primordial in nature it really epitomizes the whole dating game.

Reason one, they’re loaded. It’s not that I’d want them because they’re a walking credit card, but having a huge disposable income means excessive dates, extravagant holidays and kinky underwear. Not trying to defend myself, or other party girls, but I’m sure most of us don’t go, “oh I want this new Gucci handbag…um… please?” You’d have to have skin like leather to do that (and we all know how lovingly soft the skins of sweet asian things are.)

And on to reason two. And this really is a big deal to me. Caucasians are better then local men in bed. But let's just not go into the tasteless details. Just leave it at the fact that Asians suck. The Chinese have small penises and the Indians are the most prone to ED -that's erectile dysfunction for the uninitiated. Carrie Bradshaw knows how important good sex is to a relationship, and so do all women, from Boston to Beijing, Sydney to Singapore.

Finally, local boys live with their parents. Those that don’t live with their girlfriends. Or their wives, and 1.2 kids. All that will mean a few things. Either you have to sneak into their bedrooms, still littered with broken He-Man toys from 2 decades back well past midnight, or book into a hotel room- remember how broke they are? Chances are, it’s not going to be at Shangri La- or agree to a ménage a trios with their wives. The last of which isn’t all that bad, I’ve always wanted to see how I’d look after one conventional and one caesarian delivery.

Oh, and what would dating the alternative entail? Nice all night romps to Norah Jones with a spectacular view of the Singapore River –it actually looks quite nice when you can’t see what color it really is- and breakfast the next morning while he entertains you with his ironing and plant watering capabilities while getting ready for another day in corporate Singapore- in the same office building your daddy works in.

See, it’s not a matter of racial discrimination in dating really.

Besides, isn’t dating someone not of your own race just All the range these days.

So there. That's the compulsory brief introduction.