Merry fucking Christmas. I hope y’all had a good time. because I know I did. There was not a moment of sobriety to be had from Thursday till Monday morning, and it was just the way I liked it.
My Christmas prep was absolutely haphazard. But whatever, all I had to do was get some books for Tom and a couple of other nerdy friends after my own heart. I was talking with a friend about vibrators and presents for his girl, and I told him that he absolutely had to get her one because sex without a vibrator is like coffee without caffeine. Or like mash potatoes without celeriac. Mince pies without brandy butter. Apple pie without ice-cream. A g-spot without fingers. Etc.
Tom kicked off the lunch at around 1. I missed the popping of the first champagne, which is a pity. Apparently the cork flew out, knocked the red lantern above the dining table off it’s hook, causing it to fall quite spectacularly on Mark W’s head(while he was accusing people of being racist…he’s Welsh… apparently this fact is important) before launching itself onto an empty champagne glass in front of him and breaking it. This made his fairly pissed off and did nothing for his headache, and he accused C (who popped all the champagne that afternoon. 15 bottles of Piper and M & C) of flashing her left nork at some point while she was hogging one of the bottles.
C: I did not flash it.
M: Yes you did. I saw it.
C: There’s a tattoo there, what is it?
M: A nipple.
The turkey was awesome, the mash had loads of celeriac, the stuffing had everything that was called for in it, and…uh… the brussel sprouts were buttered. Then it was time to exchange presents and I went under the tree and got something that felt like a DVD. “Gee… I wonder what are the chances of this being a porn movie I’ve been in?” It was the Hangover. Whatever, I changed it for a box of Macaroons, which then got exchanged for a pair of M and S striped nighties, which are just cute but unfortunately came with L sized men underpants which just won’t go away now. The idea was that if I somehow managed to get all my clothes off again as I did last Christmas, I would have spare pants lying around so someone could put me back into clothes without problems.
B called me to wish me a Merry Christmas, which was really nice.
Me: How’s the woman situation? You know I always want to know this about you.
B: It’s good man. I have a lover in Vienna now. A Chinese girl.
Me: Haha yeah I know you like them.
B: Also one in Budapest. It’s just good.
Me: Sounds awesome. I didn’t think you could have only just one anyway…
He’s a dog but I love him. Although I still sometimes feel pissed that he told Ash I wasn’t his girlfriend when I was there this summer and she was hanging out with us. But I probably have a more liberal definition of what it means to be someone’s girl/boy. Anyway it’s just really nice to know I’m kind of special to him in some way. Friends are harder to find and make then lovers, and a relationship that is both is even harder to come by. The best thing you can find is a kindred spirit….
On Boxing day I went to catch Infected Mushroom with Joris. Elizabeth was supposed to be there, but she sent me a text later saying “Thank Goodness you didn’t come, some rock trance band was playing and too many people”. I went huh? Damn girl… I spazzed out, foamed at the mouth and had a religious experience. How can you not love Isreali hard house. Man! It was awesomeness.
J and I stumbled out drunk after the club closed and I bumped into LR who introduced herself to J and explained how we both knew each other (basically, “We slept with the same guy”). We were both completely off our tits on the music and soaking in our own sweat and wandering around the area talking shit and laughing and shouting at random things and cabs that wouldn’t pick us up. We did this for a bit… then we passed a little chapel with the nativity in cheap plastic in front of it. The gates were open and I thought… “Oh no… do we dare…?”
“Let’s go in.” I suggested. J said okay so we went past the gates and poked around in the manger with the plastic mannequins of the holy family, wise men, sheep and other assorted hobos.
We then went on into the chapel. The doors were not locked. There were a few benches and a small alter on a podium, and a cross that filled up the entire wall behind it.
“I’ve always wanted to fuck in a church.” I said.
“Yeah?” He looked at me with the kind of look that said I’m up for that and serious about it.
I laughed with just a llllittle bit of nervousness… “Should we?” I asked.
Me: Oh no… this is sooo bad…
Him: Why is it bad? Be rational. You don’t believe in God.
Me: No you’re right. Anyway religion is evil.
Him: That has nothing to do with it.
Me: Do you want to?
Him: Why not.
Me: Oh man. Nah, no… Oh… I don’t know. Oh
It was kind of weird. I don’t know why I was hesitating. Probably because we were trespassing… Because I don’t normally have an issue with fucking in public places. We ended up going back out to get a beer. He asked me if I wanted to go back, and I said yes, and so we went. He put me on the alter and we fucked. It was ridiculously good. I was also very drunk and could not come properly, and seriously the thought “shit, God is punishing me for this… I will never be able to have an orgasm ever again…” actually crossed my mind. But soon left (and was soon disproved anyway). It was really exhilarating just to do something so so naughty. It’s just one of those damn things I’ve always wanted to do… possibly to get back at all the painful, deluded moments I had when I was growing up Christian and in fear of so many imaginary things.
The light in the chapel was lovely. Really dark, with some shafts of silver through the roof… I was really thrilled, and at first I was anxious about getting caught, but after awhile a switch turned itself off, and I just got into it.
Boo yeah.
I will carry on in another post….
1 comment:
This was a lovely blog postt
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