Wednesday, August 01, 2012

An Abortion

Earlier this year, actually on New Year's Eve 2011, I had an abortion. It was fairly traumatic -well, about as traumatic as getting my wisdom teeth pulled out. Unlike wisdom teeth however, I know I can have another baby. OKAY, I know, I should be utterly devastated, it should have been a horrible time for Dani and me, I should have gone through days of deliberation, etc.

Here's the truth: It's only horrible if you allow it to be by over thinking it. Most of life is five thousand shades of grey, but an abortion isn't one of them. Either you're having the baby or you're not. And after I weighed out the options - Travelling, time to make art vs. taking care of a little shithead - I decided (in 5 minutes) that I wanted an abortion.

It happened around New Years, I had to get it done in Singapore (because the wait list in Holland was about 2 weeks long), I emailed the doctor over the internet, and the morning after I landed, the whole affair was done and dusted with.

I was shit scared on the operating chair. But then again, who isn't shit scared when you know someone is going to stick something up one of your holes and do something with your body. Like I said, about as traumatic as pulling teeth. If I weighed it out, getter my teeth pulled and the abortion both come up to the same amount of stress. The teeth pulling was traumatic during the operation (1 hour) and the week after (1 week) whereas the abortion was traumatic before the operation (3 days) and during (20 minutes).

Everyone takes it differently. I've got an extremely positive mind thanks to good genes and copious amount of exercise. Also, I have a great, loving, supportive boyfriend who agreed with the decision (although, I think, not without some nightmares). It would have been different without that support, I'm sure. Also helped that I could pay for the damn thing. I can imagine $1500 is a lot of money for a pregnant teenager. Jesus. For that amount I could have done the liposuction I always wanted.

The whole issue of abortion is so rife with politics with everyone defending their stand. There's nothing to defend. It's an individual choice. Either the foetus lives or dies. Make the decision and go with it. No point thinking too much about it. Especially not the what ifs. Sometimes I think it was a selfish choice - but life is cruel first before it is kind. I wouldn't have been the mother I'd wanted to be...

NAH. What horseshit. The truth is, it was a selfish choice. I'm not living under the poverty line, I have a supportive partner, we would have been able to have made a good home for it. We were just not ready. Also, I question the relative benefits of children and the necessity to add to the human race.