I don’t know when did perfect strangers decide that other people were their responsibility, but somewhere along the lines, everyone eventually does. But you know what? No one is in a position to give advise to any one else in terms of how they should run their lives, especially not if their lives are of inferior quality. Of course, then again, who am I to judge whether their lives are of inferior quality to mine; I don’t know, but I dare say mine’s as good as it gets.
Because you see darling, life is not so much what happens to you and where you live and all that other external bullshit so much as it is what you feel and how you perceive the world around you. And the way I see it, my perception of the world is good enough for me. It is outrageous really, people telling you that your life should feel shit, and if it isn’t it will start feeling like shit just because I wasn’t living the way they were taught to live.
Maybe they’re just jealous you know. I can’t for my life imagine why a perfect stranger would care about my happiness in the future.
I wrote a little script today about how people that weren’t tainted by the opinions of other people handled their relationships with the people that were immediately around them. How would it be like if we didn’t have stupid things like television or self-help books to tell us how we should live life. How would it be like if we loved and developed relationships upon nothing else but how we simply felt towards the people that were immediately in our lives, and upon how they felt and responded towards in turn. What if we didn’t have religion (which is also an external third party) telling us what to do, or statistics, or any of that bullshit.
What makes anyone think they have the knowledge to run someone’s else’s life? That’s just absurd. I mean, there are certain things about people that would do them good to lose, but as I make the acquaintances of people I generally wouldn’t give a shit for after I’ve met them and perhaps been offered a drink by them, I realize that the thing I wish with most people whose company I find tedious is for them o lose their know-it-all pseudo jaded attitude.
‘Oh I’m 24, I know so much about life, and I’m in the working world now and you’re not, and life is just fucking hard girl.’
Yeah right. Sure life is difficult, but I don’t have a problem with it being difficult, I have a problem with life boring me. And for heaven’s sake, you aren’t even thirty, I hope you’re looking forward to a life of misery.
Anyway, I’ve finally managed to contact Dee, and she’ll be meeting us at the place Richard and I have booked in Sydney, and it’ll be just great. My outfit’s just about finished, I’ve got the shoes ready and the garter belts, and now if they’d just send us the media accreditation, we’d be ready to rock.
School has been mostly unchallenging, which is good, because that leaves me with more time to do things I want to do that I can hopefully make money with. Which leads me to a realization, that I never do anything without thinking about it in terms of how it would sell. Now I don’t mean how it PAY, I mean how much people would like it enough to dedicate some time to appreciate what I’m doing. I simply don’t see the point in producing anything that doesn’t entertain anyone else but yourself. Because that’s just too easy.
Richard and I have finally managed to find a print lab to develop all the negatives with me a Lynn eating each other out and getting to all sorts of other pseudo lesbian bullshit. I saw the transparencies, and they’re looking good. We’d tried this other uber commercialized bullshit place but the aunties there were only comfortable with developing single nudes. No lesbian action please, it will remind us of all the fun sex we could have had as kids, but didn’t.
R just told me it would be difficult to keep a sexually unfaithful relationship together. At least it would be difficult for most people. Perhaps. But then humans aren’t naturally made to be faithful, are we. But then again, sometimes dishonest relationships last better then completely honest but unfaithful ones.
I like Sin City because it tells us we are all neither good nor evil, but human. What works for one particular individual would not work for someone else, and our values are being compromised all the time, and sometimes they are naturally validated, sometimes we attempt to rationalize them. But at the end of the day you know what? You’re still going to have to live this life and go through all its difficult bullshit so you might as well stop trying to make things more difficult them they already are by imposing on the natural state of your feelings with all these rules.
And then you die.
So what’s the big fucking deal already? What makes you think this time on earth even matters? You believe in eternal life? Well, the last I checked, eternity is about the past, present and the future. This is the present. You are already living the eternal life, and it’s not really quite like hell, but it’s not like heaven either.
xoxox
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