Where Does it Go

You think a month is a long time, but you know it isn't. There's just not enough time to do everything I want to in a day, and that's one of the reasons why I'm living with Richard. Commuting to school is qutie a hell, but it is hell for everyone that goes to that school. Two and a half hours? Impossible. I've finished more books on the MRT then I have since backpacking around SEA. I'm sleeping 5 hours nights, drinking and shagging every evening, cramming in pointless homework and articles for a couple of publications and still finding the time to cram in a couple of hours at the gym and the cafe. It's impossible, I swear, but some how I'm still managing it. To top it off, I'm flying away, again, this time to China. One of the cosmo costal cities, thank God. With Richard of course and a couple of other people on a little project, nothing to do with sex or leather or anything of the like, I'm afraid.

It's funny, but I really like being in a stable relationship and I've no problems letting go of the lifestyle I had previously. Thinking back, I realized Martine was really quite right about a great deal of things, and I really hadn't understood what being a relationship is like. I ahd said I loved him, didn't I? Months and months back. That I really did, and I'd wait. Well, I didn't. I couldn't, and I didn't love him as much as I thought. And of course when we are alone, or in no one stable relationship, we're always fantasizing about really being with someone we're infatuated with a few years from now. It's what I call the Jeux D'enfant's syndrome. Everyone likes a romance where two people who were lovers before they fall out, have shitty lives, before they find each other again and save each other from the hells of living. But I don't think that really does happen; anyway now that I think about it, I would be completely crazy to indulge those fantasies. None of the other men were right for me, and I know it. I was as simple a thing as sexual attraction.

God really did make it simple I suppose.

xoxox