Cupido revealed something to me last night: The rest of the women in his company (and working in the creative industry, the bulk of his employees are women) simply do not like me. They said I was rude, made dirty jokes all the time, and sat with my legs wide open despite the fact that I was in a dress. Oh, and that I’m full of myself. At this point, you must take into account that I’m younger, cooler, sexier and smarter conversation then the rest of them, and definitely more fun to be around with. Because no one has to behave around me.
I AM egotistical, but I don’t behave like I’m better than any of them, because I know when it comes to the work Cupido does, I’m not. They do a completely different job from what I do, and there really is no basis whatsoever for competition. And while I am concerned for my own well being and happiness, and know how to get it, I always take into consideration other people’s happiness too. I like to be nice, it’s part of my nature, and if I remember correctly, I never hesitated to say nice things to them or help whenever I felt like they would have needed it. Although I must stress again that their job had been completely different from mine, and there really wasn’t much I could do. I had other responsibilities as well, and my responsibility was to Cupido not to them.
Both he and I have finally settled on the fact that those women were simply just jealous, because I was getting most of his attention (duh, I handled some of his most personal equipment and kept his appointments for him) And he just liked me better. I don’t see why it shouldn’t be so, those jealous, scheming bitches don’t deserve… whatever. I told him my Cayote story, about the girls there being unhappy, and we have finally come to the conclusion that women just have this competitive shit in them.
Like Wilde has said himself, women only call each other sister after they have each called one another a lot of other things first.
I know the person I am, and I’m a nice person, and definitely sincere. I’ve never had a problem getting along with other girls back in school; the girls who knew me very well. Think, the people I spend 3-4 hours a day dozing off in lecture theatres with. And I know I’ve always tried to treat them nice. I smile, talk to them nicely, try to ask them how their day was, and I meant all of it. If you’re a guy, trust me, you will never ever figure out some fucked up shit women till the day you die. Meaning, you will never figure it out, even when you’ve died.
This must be the reason why I get shit emails telling me I’m a slut from women, when it’s them I’m trying to emancipate. They’re fucking jealous. They’re fucking jealous that I’m living the way I want to, however I want it, and am happy. It shouldn’t be. I should be a disturbed, traumatized girl, completely lacking in self-confidence, so much so I felt he need to indemnify myself by screwing more and more guys. The fact is, I’m not, and if I fuck a guy, I do it because I can, and because it gives me something I want. Whatever it is. Women use their sexuality to get what they want, it’s part of our nature, and it’s inevitable. If you’re not using it, your not living life to the fullest.
Look at it this way, most of the best whatever: chefs, astronauts, politicians etc. are men. It’s a biological and social thing that men are just paid more because their minds are hard-wired to specialize, and that the world appreciates and rewards specialization. Women are generalist, we make better general managers, secretaries and school-teachers, jobs that pay less, because the society appreciates it less. But there is one thing women have that can get them the advantage, where money is concerned. They can sell their sex. Think, the allowances divorced women get paid and strippers at a club, such and such. Women should use their sex appeal to the fullest. They definitely should.
But social observations aside, I’m just really upset at these damn people because they are completely depriving me of a whole load of experience I can certainly do with. I’m trying to get a damned scholarship, Damnit, I need as much experience as I can get to put into the CV. These women do not think. They are the inconsiderate, self-centered ones. For the love of God, we do a different job, what is there to compete? I know I sound completely full of myself, and like I’m blaming them, and I am, but it’s also not without foundation that I do so.
A lot of other weird shit has happened, like how having sex can be a complete art from, especially when you look at the girl like she’s a piece of clay, but I’ll write about it another day. I’ve to get some art work prepared for some guy who’s offered to sponsor an exhibit for me, if I’m able to pull together a series he really likes.
I told you so. Use your sex, dumb-ass-bitches.
***
This is kinda out of place, but I know it's not just using the way I look and my coyness and flirtatious nature that gets me what I want. It's more than that, I do believe I'm just blessed. Or lucky; depending on your take on the world and on spirituality. And since we are on it, I saw this little picture of a 10 year old cheese sandwich that had the likeness of the Virgin Mary on it, and felt myself thinking, 'Well, that's odd. It does look like a face on that rotten piece of bread, and it might have been completely out of chance (the guy could have added stuff to encourage the mould to grow at some specific points). Chance, and trail and error can come up with something ordered and organized after all.' Ironic.
Now reading De Sade's Incest (something along the lines of Nabokov's Lolita). Martine thinks I'm completely mad, begging him to treat me like a little girl and fuck me like one. No, he does not know how fucking a little girl should be like. I am so in love with him. I really am. And I told him to let me say it as often as I wished, because he had no right to stop me from doing so, since it was mine to give.
xoxox
No comments:
Post a Comment