On Techno-Nazis and Male Whores.

I met Avi last night. I don't see him that often, mostly because he had a girlfriend and also because he lived way out in the 'heartlands'. It's a pity really. He's an awesome person, which was something he told me back in '07 in a bout of frustration while I was obsessing over another guy. Who turned out to be not all that amazing once the high we were living in wore off.

We have a bit of a history, and he's changed a lot. I think he's got a lot sweeter after he left that position in Citi. I think it's something in the I-B environment that turns perfectly decent people into impatient, disgruntled, and generally pissed off individuals. We had a shared interest in ultra geeky, techno- nazi shit. Like, you know, trans-humanism, time travel and other such wonderful fictions you can read about in Dresden Codak.

I remember having this strange conversation with him about how sex and love and in general all human emotion detracts from some kind of ultimate purpose in life. To be honest I have no idea what I thought that would be at that time, and of course I no longer agree with that stand. But I was young and stupid and into all that techno-nazi shit, and I also hated feeling love because at that time it was, for me, this traumatizing, painful thing that I felt contributed nothing to my personal growth (so I thought). It was a bit of a ridiculous situation; can you imagine two people that like each other to agree on how Love actually Sucks?

All that's in the past. I met him a few weeks ago and made the big apology for being a total bitch back in '07. Basically being very nice when I was with him but putting the knife in and twisting it every time I wasn't there. I told him he was right when he said he was awesome (for me) after I declared I was in love with someone else. It doesn't really matter now, but when I look back at the whole thing objectively, he was right.

Those days of stepping on guys that fall in love with me are over. I've finally gotten over the daddy issues, you know the one where a girl thinks all men are trying to put her in a cage  (just like daddy) and when she eventually gets out, she's stepping on their hearts like she wipes her heels on rugs because she doesn't have a sense of how other people feel. Barna called it The World Revolves Around Her Pussy syndrome, which I guess I kind of agree with. Just, you know, childish, selfish little girls learning how to become better women. It's a stage.

He's not the techno-nazi he once was, which is great. Because neither am I any longer. But he still does pretty weird shit, like catalog his daily habits to "optimize performance". How many hours slept, how many cups of coffee drank, how many hours at the gym, which ADD drug is better, etc. I was telling him it would be good enough for me to just stop drinking. Which I tried to do in February, and failed.

Ever since the economy tanked, he's been working in a small company designing some data visualization software for a mega project in Switzerland. I think it's really cool what he's doing, much better than working for some stupid bank.

But he's also doing this really weird thing where he runs an agency for sugar daddies and sugar babes. I know it sounds totally off tangent from everything else he does, but he started it just to see if he could do it, and it took off. We don't talk about if very much because of some weird shit that happened in the past where I actually (being stupid enough) imagined that I could be an escort. I'm beautiful and intelligent, but seriously, me? In the service industry? I get solicitations all the fucking time and I just tell them I'd fuck guys up the ass if they paid me a grand a minute.

I asked him about it last night and he laughed and said it was going well, and they he gets about an applicant a day. However, the funny thing was half of the applicants were Indian men. (BTW I am NOT racist). 

Me: What the fuck? Indian men? That doesn't make sense.
Him: I shit you not. (takes out iPhone, shows me photo of fat Indian guy in red underpants)
Me: What??? Oh god. That's terrible.
Him: Yeah. They send in applications saying they'd like to be paid thousands of dollars to fuck these girls (referring to girls on the agency).

Talk about weird shit.