Phone Booth

A little update -and background- on the Martine situation, and the fact that it's over for now.
Firstly, I am more at fault then he is. I was being absolutely self-centered, and if the deal he is working on with my father's company fucks up, and they ever find out that he was sleeping with me (thus impairing his judgment and interfering with good business sense), you can absolutely imagine what sort of scandal that would be. Secondly, I’m so over him. Just terribly embarrassed about it all. I don’t dare call, text or email him because I know I am mostly to blame. We had something good, and I ruined it, with a little help on his part. But it’s no big deal. I’ll probably go to a florist in the next couple of days and get her to deliver a bunch of flowers or something, along with a personalized note and the tee-shirt I borrowed, and all should be fine. We’d probably keep in touch, but that will be it. I have too many other things to bother me right now then feel self-reproachful at causing another person so much unnecessary trouble.

The Boy actually called me from a fucking phone booth this weekend because he’s moved to a nicer apartment, hasn’t gotten a fixed line yet, and had somehow managed to misplace his cell-phone. Every single guy I’ve ever been interested in have all had the tendency to loose their cell-phones. The G-Spot *laughs* bought one for $15 a couple of weekends ago because he’d managed to get his palm phone stolen. Twice. Disposable phones are really all the range these days.

I wrote a spot of erotica last night. It was something the both of us had talked about a long time ago. It was painful to think about it, and altogether unnecessary. But there was such exquisite sadness to be found in imagining lost hope, although I know fully well the truth that broken relationships are never half as dramatic as they are in films or stories. You’ll remember the person sometime, and think, ‘yes, I loved her very much once’, but that will be it. And ironically, that is part of the reason why people are so scared to let go. It’s not because of the pain that comes from the severing of the relationship, but because of the fear that you will not be hurt, eventually.

Because you feel so passionately for someone, you daren’t imagine you can ever feel any less for them. But yet know fully well you can.

Phonebooth

I personally thought it brought out a lot of the things I wanted to say. Initially, I had thought of editing it before sending it to him, but figured that he should know exactly how I feel, and how I thought he did.

xoxox