Part of the reason (as to why I felt depressed) was because my mom, had, being the loving, considerate person she is, told me that if I didn’t exercise tighter reign on my morality, very soon I’d get some fucking STD and Ethan couldn’t possibly love me then. Of course one can presume that I do everything to reduce my chances of getting an STD, but even so, something like that just hits a note. I really believe in him after all, or in the idea and imagining of our relationship. And if it were all a pretense, I’ve been pretending for a year, and that much of make-believe can make anything arrive into actuality, of that I’m certain.
I had tried to get Ethan to call me, but an ex-girlfriend had apparently come down from
I am still stunned when I think about it. I don’t see why it should be a surprise, but I suppose I’m just so used to being a fleeting moment in the lives of so many people, am so used to not expecting anything from anyone beyond the next few hours of their attention, that the time-frame in which he thought about me was completely unfamiliar.
He told me he slept with someone else he’d met at an office party last weekend. Apparently she’d slept with him because he’d told her he wasn’t ‘looking’ for a meaningful relationship and she just had wanted to fuck someone other then her boyfriend that night. It is odd, but I’m actually pleased that he did sleep with someone else, because if he doesn’t, I’ll feel it’s unfair, and that I’m the bigger slut. I’m probably just weird, or libertine, or whatever, but the image of him fucking someone else doesn’t so much disturb me as it amuses me. Especially when that someone else turned out to be a woman in her late thirties – Ethan is not quite past the quarter-life crisis, if you assume the average life expectancy in
I had texted the G-Spot to asked him the same thing, and he had a perfectly cute answer. Something about occasionally waiting for the test results while continually being reduced into a gibbering mess. But he was fine every time; both answers proved satisfactory and assuaged my fears.
I’m quite blogger burned-out these days really.
I’ve got an odd story about being hit on by a little virgin boy, but that’ll have to wait. Am in bad mood. Gained 2 kilos. Very bad mood.
xoxox
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