Minding my Mouth

Dinner with Martine last night. I have no damned idea why he asked me out to dinner, even though I genuinely appreciated it, and enjoyed his company. I called him up the day before but he wasn't available, and apologized profusely about it and set a dinner date for yesterday. But it was incredibly short, and he spent more time that it made me comfortable lecturing on suicide, depression, human laziness and being too American. Basically, I talk extremely loudly even though the bar wasn’t particularly noisy and his ears were less then a foot away from my mouth, and I ate with my mouth open.

Martine: ‘It’s like watching your laundry through a washing machine, and it ruins my appetite.’

(Me, with my mouth full) ‘Okay, I know, but it’s just the way…’ (swallow food upon realization that I was annoying him even more)

Him: ‘I don’t want to impose on you, but I simply can’t stand it. It makes me nauseous, and I think it’s better I told you instead of trying to pretend it didn’t bother me.’

(After having chewed my food very consciously) ‘It’s all right. I think it’s time I re-learnt some manners anyway. I used to eat with my mouth close as a kid, but the girls in my Primary school though I was putting on airs. And after awhile, you realize people don’t bother to wait for you till you’ve chewed your food to listen to what you have to say. And I always have a lot to say.’

After awhile and a little lecture on laziness over how he hoped I wasn’t going to waste my future away, I sat around rather sullenly and for once didn’t feel like talking.

‘You’re sad. You can’t be sad. Why are you sad?’

I smiled. He’s so sweet when he thinks he’s hurt someone.

‘Oh, it’s no big deal. You lecture me too much, that’s all. People have parents for that.’

He gapes at me for a moment, picks my hand off the table and kisses it.

‘I don’t mean it. I lecture everyone, I can’t help it. My parents even, but they need it more then you do sometimes.’

We talked about hierarchies for awhile, and how he hated the way Singapore was such a laddered society . That it was really unhealthy because people become so accustomed to only respecting one form of authority, and that the moment it was softened, people have no idea how to go about with giving respect. Respect was meant to be given to the people who commanded with hard-power, and in many cases, it would tend to transcend beyond childhood and on into the workplace.

‘This girl working under me told me I was perfectly lousy today.’

Me, ‘Oh? Why’s that? She didn’t really mean it, I’m sure.’

‘Yeah, it was some silly banter, but I thought it was terribly rude of her. I’m not into the whole decorum of, I’m your boss so you better obey me or else. But I’d never insult someone else’s intelligence. Ever.’

Me, “That’s good. I can tolerate all other insults, slut (he cringes and tells me that no one’s a slut, he hates the word) bitch, asshole, whatever, but nothing that insults my intelligence. Your balls are absolutely safe, since it’s not something you do.’

It was still early, but he insisted on sending me home right after dinner. I was very reluctant to leave him, and it made me rather upset that it was only 10. The fact that he hadn’t even kissed me properly yet offended me somewhat too.

‘Well fine, I’ll leave you now, but I’m hurt.’

Him, sounding rather shocked and a little hurt himself (I could be imagining this.) ‘What?! No, you’re kidding me. It’s just like when you told me you were used to rejection yesterday. Nonsense.’

‘No! I really am. I really like you, and I’m hurt.’

‘But I have to work tomorrow, and I’m absolutely exhausted. I’ll get fired soon enough if I make any more blunders. I really like you too, you know that.’

“Yes I do. Say it again.’

‘I like you.’

‘Say more.’

‘More.’

‘Tsk.’

xoxox