Sex is NOT A Big Fucking Deal

I’ll just call him Mr. Martine, after Benedicte Martine, but only partially because his tastes are so effeminate You know, metrosexual (and the other bit has to do with sexual politics). He’s rather good at playing the part too. Just the right amount of design sense, feminine compassion, immaculate literary taste, while being possessed of a terribly tender, yet wonderfully strong opinion on just about everything.

He’s got this perfect way of telling me how he believes in one thing, while still being able to completely understand it from an entirely different view. I spent hours just listening to him talk, and he doesn’t make me feel stupid when I don’t understand anything, or when I say something insanely clichéd (all my opinions on the world turn trite when he starts telling me all these things I never saw previously). Most local men can’t do that, because with them, it’s always either right or wrong, where everything is so damn hierarchical: if I’m younger, I must be dumber.

It’s just the way we’re taught how to in schools. And that’s where they’re so incredibly stupid, because hard-sell (just like hard-power) is not the best way to push your views across. People don’t like to think they’re wrong or too stupid to think for themselves; but this whole damn society’s wrecked with it, from the PAP to… No, I must not rant.

Back to the fantastic date and brunch: Portobello mushrooms and a Virgin Mary at the bistro for breakfast, with prefunctionary cups of coffee. I got a little too excited over talking about the Iranian revolution and greener fuel, and he told me to tone down (that’s the only thing about him that ticks me off- that he thinks I’m too loud) I look at him and say, with much sugar sweetness, ‘Yes, Daddy.’ And he gets into a most disconcerting fuss! But of course I can perfectly understand his reservations; I do look underage. Up to the point where he asked if dating me would cumulate into a crime.

He told me, last night, right after he’d sent me off, there were all these Asian guys staring at him in a most vicious manner. The sort of, ‘steal our jobs, steal our women’ attitude.

It just upsets me when I think about how our society stereotypes every damn thing and tries to compartmentalize people into all these little categories. Is there’s no such thing as liking an older guy for the perfectly acquisitive rationale that he’s got so much you can learn from? And also because they’ve seen so much nothing can shock them, and have an accept-it-like-it-is-because-chances-are-you-can’t change-it attitude. I love shocking, but that’s not a fantastic recipe for a comfortable relationship. And you can never dare to be completely truthful because you know people simply do not like things they are not used to.

I don’t know about other older men, but the ones I know (who also coincidentally, have slept with many women. Which is only natural, since the longer you live the more women you sleep with, in the absence of any particular sexual-moral code that you believe you should ascribe to) are usually very accepting and accommodating to a whole lot of female personalities and femininely constructed situations.

Younger guys seem to date to get laid, these do not. They’ve simply had too much sex for it to be a big deal, and that’s the way it should be.

It Isn’t a big deal. It’s not a big deal if you do it, and do it with a lot of people, and it’s not a big deal if you don’t. Even if you have been dating for half a year and the guy isn’t a virgin, and is probably screwing around with someone else (only you don’t know it). Of course a billion women have a billion reasons to tell me why I would be terribly wrong, but the truth is, sex is just sex.

It fulfills the basic human needs of inclusion and physical desire. Sex is not the problem, the problem is how it’s acquired, and what is expected from it. As long as it’s mutual, and you don’t lie to get laid (if you did, go to hell. You give sex a bad name) I cannot possibly see a problem; and the world should be a happier place.

Why should an illustrious sexual history necessarily be a bad thing? Oh I can see why it would be a problem if you want to get married, and you’re a man, because so many women are too damn uptight about things like that.

And that’s a pity, because they can’t understand that these are the men they can be the least self-conscious around. They’ve fucked all sorts of women, and have had all sorts of sex and so much of it that when they finally pick you up, and want you, it’s beyond sex as a physical need. It is, but it’s more then that. And also, you’re not going to be the least attractive one they’ve slept with, and all the weird physical imperfections –fat gut, hair on your tits, what the hell ever- cannot possibly be shocking. And you don’t have to be embarrassed about any single damned thing.

These men know women, love women, and want to treat women nicely.

So what if they are blatantly promiscuous, and might possibly sleep around with someone else? You’re stupid if you think that people never cheat on each other. Some people do not, certainly, but it’s stupid to assume that yours won’t. Even if he’s had a relatively celibate record. The higher celibacy is place on a moral high-ground, the harder it will be to ascribe to it. Period. And most people do cheat.

Being exclusive should not come from the need to conform to social convention, and not even from the desire to save your partner hurt. You never wanted to hurt your parents, but you did at some point in time anyway, even though you loved them. Those reasons are insubstantial. Being exclusive should come from the desire to just BE exclusive. It’s what you want to do because your love for the person makes it the natural thing to do. And if it does not, then don’t bother. Talk it out, be truthful to yourself, and work things out.

Sex has been made into such a big fucking deal up to the point where it takes precedence over truthfulness of feelings. Is that not absurd?

xoxox