Sleep Together

Was at Mr. Big’s last night. I hadn’t seen him in awhile, and he’s gone on Atkins (with which I try my best to help him with) and has managed to lose quite a great deal of weight in about a week. I was looking at him last night, and thought, Damn! He’s really quite small built after all. His hair’s all grown out now, and I thought he looked really cute with all the little curls.

Every time I spend the night with him, I always wake up feeling like all men are so incredibly easy to please. And I honestly am not referring to the sex alone. I think he really likes cuddling me at night, although it does make for some very restless sleep! He doesn’t like it when I can’t stay over; falling to sleep in that embrace where the curve of my back fits onto his body, with his hands holding my breasts (you can do that with small, perky Asian breasts) is just too priceless.

Sometimes, I feel like he just wants to be with me. You know, sit on the couch, talk, watch a DVD, drink wine. I say sometimes because, you must remember, that I grew up with the precept that all men never ‘just’ want to be with a girl. Of course that we do it naked is part of the reason, but you really can’t separate wanting to be with someone and sex. Not for me anyway. I couldn’t want to be with someone, badly, otherwise. I would like his company, but there wouldn’t be a yearning (Face up to it, a lot of yearning is done by our loins).

On that topic of sex and people, I found the perfect song that should pretty much sum up my attitude on sex. I’ve listened to it countless times before, only, I never really listened to it. It’s Sleep Together, by Garbage.

If we sleep together
Will you like me better
If we come together
We'll go down forever
If we sleep together
Will I like you better
If we come together
Prove it now or never

Make me a pretty person
Make me feel like I belong
Make me hard and make me happy
Make me beautiful

The emptiness
The craziness
Satisfy this hungriness

The truth is, if we did sleep together, we’d probably like each other better. And I like liking people much, much better. One lifetime is certainly not enough for me to (make) love all the people I want to. I couldn’t explain to Martine when he accused me of making sex such a big deal, after I had told him my beliefs about it. But now I’ve got it. It’s not the sex, duh, it’s because I really like you, and want to like you more. And I’m frustrated because I can’t.

***

I’d sprained my ankle in the morning because I was concentrating on how yummy the granola bar I was eating were, instead or watching my step, and slipped a stair to find myself sprawling on the ground, unable to get up. There were loads of people that could have helped me up, but didn’t. We live in a very altruistic society indeed.

There was once my ex and I had been walking about somewhere and a girl slipped, right beside us, on his side. It would have been instinctive for me to try and grab her to stop her fall, but he just jerked his head and looked. She caught her balance anyway, and when I asked him why didn’t he do anything, and would he have done something if she’d really fallen, he said he wouldn’t. Why? Because she might accuse him for molest. (Oh for God’s Sake.)

xoxox