Cheerios

I really hate it when I send and email pouring out all my feelings and don’t get a reply for the whole entire day. I’m sure all of you are getting shit tired of me being all sappy, but what can I do? I wish I’d more sense. But I really think he’s so perfect for me. You can be subjective about how you feel, but not about things like, damn I really like sleeping with him, I really like cuddling him; I mean, how you feel physically is undeniable. And I like many people, and they’re all very fond of me, but there just isn’t that sort of physical chemistry. I’d better make a note of it and ask him if he feels the same way.

But regardless of being rained-checked on, I still had a fabulous time last night. And I experienced one of the most amazing things that‘s come my way, and it’ll be something I’ll remember for a long time.

Three of us were at his place. (Let’s called the guy Greg, and the girl Shell, they’re not too shabby for names) and I’d popped in a new Jazz CD and the song ‘Crazy Little Thing Called Love’ came on. Shell got up and started dancing (she moves to bring the house down and all the dicks up) and Greg picked her by her waist. I was on the couch watching them, and I though, isn’t that amazing. Like how two people who really aren’t particularly involved in each other lives can, just for that moment, feel so damn good being together.

It’s as if at that moment, nothing else mattered. They were together, and they were having fun. And that moment expressed what I felt more then anything else I’d ever experienced. Exactly. It is different when you’re the one going through the bliss, and when you’re watching on. It’s like having someone write down how you feel, and you reading it and going, ‘that really hits the nail!’. Only this was better. I saw it all, and it was… well, I’ll not forget it.

(Will post pictures as soon as my bandwidth's stops being over-taxed, for whatever reason.)

If everything is transient, and your whole life is nothing but an ephemeral jolt in the existence of the Bigger Scheme of Things (whatever it is, because you can hardly claim to say you’re damn sure your existence was all that the universe was waiting on; so there must be a bigger scheme of things), then what does it matter? Every serendipitous escapade is sent my way for a reason, and it’ll be a terrible waste for me to deny myself any of it.

I wrote the funniest, most raw email to Martine yesterday, and just re-read it. I thought it was quite good, although he said I rambled at points. Of course I can’t think coherently when I’m thinking about him, what did he expect? I just wish Liz would Go Away.

Oh, and by the way, Ethan didn’t say anything negative on purpose. It was a language problem. I’m really not physically attracted to him in any way, but hey what the hell, if he’s free in the summer, Florence will be on the list for a fortnight run away from reality.

I told you. Jesus. There is no such thing as people going away for good.

*laughs*

I am happy.

xoxox