Talk Cock Lah

I watched Spanglish a couple of days ago with Chris, and it got me wondering over what exactly being yourself was all about. A few days before, a very good friend of mine was riling me for my accent, and how it’s just nonsense. I’ll be god-damned frank, my accent’s is nonsense. Although one would then have to decided who the hell’s to judge what’s nonsense and what ain’t. Most people I know very well don’t seem to have a problem with it. I know on me, it sounds completely natural, Martine or Chris or one of the others would have told me it was weird if it really was.

In fact, I’ve been told to keep the pseudo American accent on a screen test for a local program because it added ‘a rather Singaporean, SAP school educated’ spin on my character. The only thing not particularly politically correct is the fact that I’m not SAP school educated.

‘What are you talking like?’ She’d asked. ‘It’s like you can decide between a British and an American accent and decided to fix up the two.’

I wanted to ask her what should it matter, but instead I said something like, ‘I know. I’m trying to stop myself from talking like so and such, it bothers me, but I can’t help it.’

Truth is, the only reason why it should bother me is when it bothers someone else. I like speaking the way I do, and it’s an effort to speak otherwise, I don’t see the point in trying to make me feel bad about myself. People should be allowed to speak however they wish; although I will admit that sometimes when it starts to sound ridiculous, a little notification could be in order.

At any rate, I was speaking weird that day because she’d gotten me incensed and my guards were all drawn up. And she’d criticize me for the way I was speaking earlier, which only made me more aware of it, and aware of the fact that I had to fix it for her. And being conscious of things you’re normally not mindful of is usually a very bothersome thing, and completely unnatural. I’d speak Sing-slang if I knew it made the person I’m talking to uncomfortable, but otherwise, it’s just more natural for me to allow myself to talk however I wish. And I really don’t like the way I sound when I’m speaking Singlish. Period. It’s not a question of wanting to subvert my identity as a Singaporean but rather, one of tastes.

Chris started telling me about the time he’d hired a maitre’d for one of his fancier places (he used to run a F&B outfit), and in a month, the guy was talking like he was from southern Italy, among other things. I told him I really hated it when other people censure the way other people speak. For the love of god, just let them speak however they wish. As long as it doesn’t sound like ‘trying too hard’ I don’t have a problem. If they are comfortable with it, then let them be. Besides, wasn’t he sort of right out from the deep south, so where was the Quaker accent?

People here (and also in general) are just consumed with stupidity when it comes to the way other people wish to talk like. So it’s allright to have an accent if you’ve studied overseas for a few years, but not allright if you’ve changed the way you speak because you’ve just gotten used to the way your boyfriend speaks, and he’s ‘not from around here’. No, of course it’s different. In the former, you’ve assimilated into another culture, which is good. In the latter, you’re just a pretentious banana. (What’s even more of a bigger bullshit is that they sometimes allow a paragraph or to that expounds this nonsense in the national news-paper. But then again, The Straits Times is pretty much filled with useless news without an opinion. And no one gonna wanna read news that reads like the office minutes.)

Fuck you. You’re all friggin bananas. Look at the way you dress, the food you eat, the music and movies you buy. How much of that is out from the occident and how much from Asia? Oh, a lot of it is produced in Asia, certainly; which just proves my point. We like producing occidental things, and then purchasing them.

It has occurred to me that ‘Asian’ is a novelty for the world of generica lately. They’re sticking a little bit of Asian into many things western these days. But it’s different. Asian is a twist, a spin, a little bit of novelty into their cultures. The occident is a reality for us. Even local entrepreneurs make everything look straight out west. The less something looks like it’s Singapore made, and the more it looks like it’s manufactured conceptualized in Milan and in Macau, the better for business it’ll be.

There are more Asians in the world then there are white people, but to me, being Chinese still feels like I’m part of an underground band. There’s more of us, but the Occidental state of mind is over-whelming, nearly all consuming. And we’re (at least, I’m) mostly unaware of it.

I’ll try to be more coherent when I’ve the time, but for the moment, I’ve got my own life to lead and the day to tackle. And I hope I’ll encounter no one trying to change me. I’ll talk how I wish, behave how I want to, and no one can tell me why it should be wrong.

xoxox