The Ways I Dump Thee

You know how it is with women and every magazine, movie and just about every book in the world. I’m not talking about how the female of the species reacts to these things, I’m talking about how they view the female creature.

Confusing, irrational, neurotic, dysfunctional, psychotic, insecure, possessive.

What nonsense.

Men are crazed. All of them, whatever race, religion, dick size and social status, they are all as difficult, if not more so (for lack of literature surrounding crazed men).

Over the past three years, I have fallen out of relationships for three reasons.

1) I’m a free spirit. I do what I want and I get out of it when it’s too much. I’m nearly never jealous, and I’m definitely not possessive. But I will get mad if a guy lies and says he is completely faithful to me and I find out that he isn’t. It’s the deceitfulness that’ll bother me. But I get dumped anyway, because I’m too much of a free-spirit, and they ‘don’t see where it’s leading to’. They’re crazy about me, partially because they cannot possess me, and because they cannot, they don’t want to have anymore to do with me.

2) I’m obsessive. On very rare occasions, I get obsessive over certain men. I’m not possessive, mind, obsessive. But somehow, that translates to stifling their time and their space. Possessive I suppose, but not in the sexual sense. They feel stifled, although I swear to God, I’m really low emotional maintenance. Even when I’m obsessive. But they break if off anyway, because they feel stifled, or because their freaked out that someone’s totally in love with them. And also perhaps because it’s just no challenge, a girl that they have already captivated.

3) I’m indifferent. He’s not my type, I’m not his type, we’re just sleeping together and having a good time, but no one really cares, so we eventually drift apart.

Okay, so given the three limitations as to what you can be when you are with a guy, give me the solution to a healthy relationship that works.

You’re damned if your relaxed about it, damned if your infatuated, and damned if you don’t give a damn.

Well, damn those dicks.

xoxox