I don't have much to say anymore, it's impossible to place my feelings anywhere. Peehaps I've felt like this before, but I certainly don't remember when I was last there. And what surprises me is that he likes me, loves me and tells me so. But I already know and I'm already there, naturally; it's so easy to say I love you.
It's kinda strange. It really has been. I mean, who was to know. And no one can say from here where we're to go. But I'm not freaking, though it's terribly unnerving. I don't think I'll change for him, he doesn't want me to either, but it's uncomfortable sometimes because there are some things about me that will always remind him that I'm the way I am. And I'm a good girlfriend in many, many ways I suppose (I like to fuck and suck and talk about the societal value of pornography... and sometimes I do the dishes) but I can be a not so nice girlfriend because Alice is a seperate identity and she will do what she wants to get what she wants.
And what happens when the rule of thumb is treating that special other how you'd like to be treated, and him sleeping with another girl you like is no problem (please bring her home) but you sleeping with someone else is. It's not fair, is it. I suppose I wouldn't. So many other men suck in bed anyway, I wonder why I even should.
xoxox
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