Friday, April 16, 2010

Anti-depressents not good, sense of mounting panic...

I am so fucked. Ugh. Mark gave me one of his anti-depressants and I popped it, against my better judgment, and I feel fucked now. Metaphorically of course, because right now, I can't fuck, due to a mild case of UTI, which was also the reason why Rochelle didn't come down on Tuesday, because she got it first. The cosmic will is opposing this fisting business apparently, and probably with good reason too.

I'm finally getting my ass in gear and working on my website. People keep telling me my work's good, and I'm smart, but really, I don't got no idea where I'm going to go with it. I always feel inadequate, which is not an optimum state of mind if you're to forge on and convince other people you're any good at all. Dear me.

Dan, in a state of temporary insanity asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, or something to that effect. It's a jolly good thing he made a disclaimer early on that he doesn't take anything said when drunk and/or in the heat of passion very seriously. Hell, no one's ever asked me to be their girlfriend. Okay, there was one boy, I was 14, and he was trying to get into my pants. Apparently that's how he thought he'd get laid at that age, by promising me commitment. Heh. Obviously he thought wrong. I told Dan we could be partners. Of a sort. In a way. Whatever.

It's been 2 weeks of bumming around now. Dan's great, loads of fun, possibly one of the all round best guys I've dated. He's really tall, sexy and looks like Jesus. Plus he's taught me how to cook and he does funky arty things.

But seriously! I will go bat shit crazy in this town if I don't get a job soon. I like The Hague, my friends are here... But I want to live in Amsterdam or you know. A big fucking European city that stinks of sewers choke full of beer piss and coke after the weekend with strip clubs and big museums and 24/7 clubbing and crazy people on the street. Etc.

However, summer will be here soon and then it's all fucked because every single European (including me) will be hanging out in some field off our tits on a campsite. Lord knows what will get done. :-/ The plan right now is Bologna in May and Berlin late June. So looking forward to seeing Frans, who is this sweet-hearted, hilarious Finn. I will have to do a visa run after that. Dan suggested 'an exotic adventure to Bosnia' (I imagine he was being a little bit sarcastic...) Sounds good to me. It's probably cheap ass from Berlin on some cheap ass 'Central European' airline.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

There is a line of work that might work for you, and it is in Amsterdam. But I don't think that works out if you have a relationship.