Friday, August 06, 2004

Egotistical Rant

I’ve been thinking of re-writing the About bit about me for quite sometime already, and felt inspired to do just so this morning, so with a purchase of hot chocolate stuffed-full of marshmallows (only the white ones please), I shall write my own morning read. After all, what could possibly be more sensational then a girl’s own diary?

***

I live in my imagination, mostly because reality bores me too much. It makes me happy to do so, and everything that is truly fantastic about my life is only fantastic because I imagine it to be. And imagination does have such power to manifest our hopes into reality, you must agree.

I am working towards getting to do whatever the hell I want, which would entail a big fat paycheck for writing about anything that interests me (which I must say is everything, except tabloid news about other people other then myself).

The ideal scenario for any one day in the life I aspire to would see me spending my afternoons writing the next sensational novel (it’s to be absolutely trashy, but sold under the guise of being postmodern literary achievement) My evenings at the opening of art exhibitions and live jazz clubs sipping the good glass of merlot and the occasional margarita, and my mornings drinking aromatic coffee and having banana nut muffins. And occasionally turning boyfriends out at 8 a.m. “Don’t you have to go and make money so we can go to Ibiza this weekend?”

Ah, such convoluted fancies I have.

In the meanwhile, I’m waiting to graduate and living with thankfully rather libertine parents who call me a slut once in awhile, but still love me nonetheless. I try to find as much excitement as I possibly can, given the situation. So in the meanwhile, I’m half moved-in with the fuck buddy cum boyfriend (or is it the other way round? Our relationship is quite undefined, really) in his apartment, one that’s just like something I would want, when I can afford it. He doesn’t turn me out at 8 a.m. though. I’m too lovely to be turned out, you wouldn’t have the heart. Unless your married and your wife’s going to be back in 10.

I make money by modeling.
Unfortunately, being an SPG only means I get to enjoy a lot of the finer things in life that I wouldn’t otherwise, as a student, and it no way entails me to extra cash. So I’m trying to make it as a fetish model. That means I get provocative pictures of myself taken and get paid for it; which I personally think is quite a reasonable deal. But it’s not easy work, mind. Then again, work is never easy.

***

My favourite film is Richard Linklater’s Waking Life, with Yann Samuell’s Juex d’Enfants as the greatest love story ever acted. Both are entirely unforgettable.

The novel that has made the deepest impression on me would be China Miéville's Perdido Street Station. I also adore Neil Gaiman's Sandman series and think it is one of the last century's greater works of art.

My favourite author is Oscar Wilde, his Importance of Being Ernest being the work I admire the most, because offhanded irony and wit is not an easy thing to achieve, and he does it very well in the play.

The magazines I read all the time are: Colors, The Economist, Popular Science, Prospect, Surface, Wallpaper and Vice. Most of which are European publications, because I don’t quite fancy the way the Americans write. I was taught the British brand of English, and it’s a habit that’s stucked. However, I do prefer to spell colorised as colourized. In essence, I like the Zs but want to keep the Us.

My favourite artist is Mark Kaplan, his Bleuatre de la fin d being the painting I want for a wedding gift; Stephanie Law follows a close second. (And I’m not particularly fond of classical artists.)

Among the favourite compliments I’ve received, I like the one where I was told I have the candour of a bitch and the ardour of a slut the best. I don’t quite like the one where you tell me my life (and behaviour in general) is like an adult movie.

And finally, I think that the most marvelous feeling in the world is that of Romance. Independence is all good and well, but a good romance that leaves a taste like fresh strawberries with sex like caramel cream upon your tongue?

More brilliant than anything else in the world.

xoxox

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Probably try less harder to impress so as to cut as an impressive missjustlegalspg. I have to say the inability to spell 'grammatically' when pulling off a grammer joke at your ex schoolmate was well, impressive.
http://santianna.buzznet.com/user/ I know you like to be reminded of the past. ;) Oh yes.. the whole proclamation of not being attention-seeking only makes you shine brighter in the limelight. Good strategy.

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Anonymous said...

don't you feel embarrassed knowing your aunts and uncles, your cousins, your relatives or your classmates look at you with in a different light? will you ever get sick of fucking? will you get STDs one day? what if you get vaginal warts? what if you get.. GASP. PREGNANT? now just to tell you, saw your face in NP, not anything remotely remarkable. who is buying your pictures? are you glad you have gotten GRAND publicity from the numerous reports you have inspired. wow. you must have gotten lots of offers for your pictures. i congratulate you on your amazing nipples(haha) and your rather squarish face which kinda seems too short.

I like bitching about people who deserve my bitching about.
Forgive me.

Anonymous said...

i guess the real difference is where you find your self worth in. you might think that sleeping with somewhat random people for money or otherwise and sucking money out of richer men who want a hot fuck is all right. or just because they begged you so hard. i couldn't understand that one. it defies all logic unless you're really benovelent and give sex as charity. or they paid you. and by all means you may think as you like. but the thing is for as long as you live in this society, for as long as you have this website which you obviously know would invariably put you under the spotlight of other people in this society, they're going to think about your situation, and judge you. this is how millions of other people were brought up to think and feel and you have to understand that you, not they, are the aberrant one. in the point of view of the prevailing trend in the morality of singapore at least. of course everyone's at least a little fucked up and fuck up sometimes, but having a way to live makes things easier for everyone. but my guess is that you enjoy inviting criticism and then justifying it to yourself and all who read it? to be heard. a tad too sensational. good luck with your life, living it up now, but we'll all see where we are in 50 years. i've learnt the past comes back to haunt you. oh and all this is just my opinion. doesn't have to be anyone else's. cheerio.