***
Exhausted

I haven't been putting alot of thought into my posts lately. I'm just too exhausted. And my internet connection is deteriorating by the day.

I bought a new brocade dress today (from Phuture. $129 marked down to $60. It looks expensive. If you think Scarlett O'Hara looked really aristocratic in her gown made from curtains; And I did, so there.) I shall wear it to one of the dance events at this year's Arts Fest.

***

And old, old, long time ago aqquaintence called me last night.

Some background information... He was the first boy to ask me to be his steady when I was 11 (sheeh. I was doubly insensitive at 11. I told him he was ugly and had bad BO) Calls me twice a year ever since I moved out of the area I stayed at as a child (once on Christmas and once on Easter), is rather dense (dense is an understatement); and someone I wouldn't care to associate with.
But he only calls, and those are fine; As long as I don't have to be seen with him. I know it makes me sound terribly shallow; but I can already barely stand him on the phone.

Last night he called to tell me how he missed the past, and how it was still mired within him, and how he was still besotted with this girl whom I've known him to like since, oh, slightly under a decade back (who is way out of his league. She's in prestigious college, he can barely pass the polytechnic. I know, how Asian, but academic success is a matter of grave importance, as much as I wished it wasn't).

I asked how one of my best childhood girlfriends was doing, and he told me she was with yet another guy, and how the both of them got sent to the police station a couple of months back for tormenting the random foreign worker sleeping at the void deck. Oh well, She hasn't changed one bit. The last time I visited her 2 years ago, she seemed to think it was an achievement to have a boyfried who was jailed for God knows what reason. She said it with such pride too.

"Where's your boyfriend?"
"In prison lah."
"Huh?!"
'Yah. My boyfriend go prison la. Like that."
"For what?"
"Alot of things la. He's in a gang... blabla"

Wow. Impressive. I didn't know how to tell her she was wasting her life away; and anyway, it wasn't in my business to do so. It's sad, because she's relaly quite a bright girl, but her parents left her to her own devices a little too soon. So did mine I suppose, but not before I understood the value of an education. But perhaps before I comprehended the necessity of morality, as they saw it.

Which comes leads on the the next thing the guy said to me.
He told me I had low self-esteem.
Well, I never really thought about that. I doubt I have a low self-esteem though. I do care what other people think of me, but my life doesn't depend on their opinions.

I told him that people usually saw their own faults in other people, even when those faults don't actually exsist in the people they try to deconstruct. And I told him, well, maybe I do have a low esteem problem, but it would have to be low esteem for everyone else, which might also translate to having no respect for myself. But then see, I do respect certain people, so that can't be it.

He didn't understand a word of what I said though.

So I told him I really appreciated his take on my life and gave a nice, firm, goobye and went back to dinner.